The first part sounds similar to something I have been experiencing for a very long time over the past few years. I made a custom "Instruments" setup for VST, but when I open Sonar, the normal template loads with the default cakewalk list. I have to reselect it every time.
This is what works for me. It involves an extra step, but it's way less tedious than clicking on the custom list. Instead of defaulting to plugins -> instruments, try making the normal template plugins -> audio fx using the buttons above the list, and below the "Media, plugins, Synth" line. This is how I have it set up, and all I do when I open the program, is switch to Instruments, and it remembers the custom list of virtual instruments.
I hope this information is helpful.