Jonesey's comment about drum replacer came to mind for me too. You can isolate transients pretty nicely and use that result to drive the tom. If you can isolate a good existing tom hit for the replacement sample, the result should be close. I have never gotten too deep into drum replacer, but think all of the above applies.

Gate is also a good choice if remove silence falls short.

Dupe.

It may be tedious but I like to cut the blank spots, set the fadeout of each hit & bounce to one clip.
 
I do this for every audio clip with long blank spaces.

Just change smart tool to mute tool and drag along track for all non-tom sections.  very, very fast and easy.  Much quicker than volume automation in my opinion.

Hi P-drift, just today saw a video but a veteran pro recording engineer (Val Garay) about bleed.
He says 'Bleed is your friend' and as long as the bleed lines up with the other instruments in your mix, don't worry about it.
He also demonstrated how indeed the version with bleed, just sounded better than the one with it removed.
 

In some cases but it all depends on the bleed.