My daughter and son in law came this weekend to celebrate Mother’s Day. Had a great time.
Son in law is upper level management with hospital maintenance for several facilities across the state. Over the last week he was dragged in to testify in multiple HR cases with complaints about discrimination and gender insensitivity by some of the slobbering peons. The offending jerks are on probation should they backslide in which case they are fired on the spot.
We cried on each others’ shoulders about what America has come to. You can’t do nothing without offending someone or something. We have lost our sense of humor, but not entirely.
There are still two racial profiles left that you can bash and joke about with no legal, ethical, moral consequences in this life or the hereafter.
These are the white American male, and the redneck. The two genres often intersect, so there is even more safely from retribution if you crack an off color joke.
In addition, there is one American holiday you can bash with immunity and protest against if it raises its ugly presence. That’s Christmas. Used to be you could call it Xmas but seems like this is too abrasive now days. They still let you say Happy Holidays in the civilized workforce unless that is now offensive.
The working white male doesn’t give a damn about the slurs and the redneck is too dense to know he/she has been insulted, so safe grounds for a laugh.
Unfortunately for me, we analyzed my place in life and I had to face reality.
Raised in West Virginia, even worse, rural West Virginia. Now living in the backwoods of coastal Oregon burning waxed containers in the backyard that can no longer be recycled. Got a compost pile over the cliff. White Caucasian male. Car is a rust bucket with the broken muffler tied up with coat hangers. Front yard a beautiful off beat sight, but composed of carefully transplanted swamp weeds. Tomorrows project is to mow down the ocean side weeds with a chain saw.
As much as I tried to deny it, the stripes on a skunk show. My son in law dragged me in front of a mirror and made me face the truth as painful as it was.
I AM A REDNECK.
(and borderline proud of it off the record…)
We spent the next couple hours busting our guts apart going thru online sites dedicated to redneck jokes. More laughter than I’ve had in the last 10 years.
Couple of my favorites…
You know you’re a redneck if…
You got a sister who is considered a math genius because she has six fingers on each hand.
If you have one or more relatives who have died after saying “Hey y’all. Look at me”
You mow your lawn and discover a truck.
You can tell the bride and groom vehicle that left the wedding ceremony because the truck has tobacco spit stains on the outside of both doors
Any y’all have favorites before verbal abuse of a redneck is also grounds for employment termination or a lawsuit? So far, me and my inbred kind are fair game, but may not last for long.
John