And I think I've learned more in one week from a free phone app than I ever did in 6 years of French lessons at school. 
 
Mind you, I pretty much snoozed through all of those lessons. 
 

Votre pomplemousse est chat, oui?

Seulement quand je suis sous les concombres.

J'avaiz les oiseaux dans mon qu'el que chose.

All you need is "je t'aime."
 
I got mixed up in a French bar once, and instead of saying "merci" to the cute waitress i accidentally said "je t'aime."
She responded with "non, monsieur.  you should have said MERCI."
"No," I replied.  "I meant what i said."
 
We got great table service for the rest of the night!

Beepster
J'avaiz les oiseaux dans mon qu'el que chose.

Comment sentent-ils?

"omelete du fromage"

Beagle
"omelete du fromage"

I believe that was "omelette au fromage" 

Here's a hint. Get a long list of false cognates and learn them. After that, your guesses about French words will be more reliable. Here are some examples:
 
"Chair" in French means "flesh" in English.
"Flèche" means "arrow."
"Actuel" means "current."
 
As far as pronunciation, most methods and teachers teach an artificial version of the pronunciation, which is really different from how French people really talk. If they're saying "Je ne sais pas" in four syllables, you'll have a hard time when you hear it in two syllables. (Same is true for English teaching BTW.)

Parlay vous a hama hama is the pickup line I used as a teenager