I agree raising the volume of the percussion, just a hair, would make it feel a little more powerful. 
 
I listened while I read the other comments and it felt like I was watching (and reading) the opening credits of a Michael Bay movie. 

Hello 
I don't know what library sounds you used, but it's not very convincing .. especially the brass in the first time.
Little stereophonic sound ... I expanded a bit more the stereo image.
at the end is not bad, Go on !!
 
Regards
Elix

Hello 
I don't know what library sounds you used, but it's not very convincing .. especially the brass in the first time.
Little stereophonic sound ... I expanded a bit more the stereo image.
at the end is not bad, Go on !!
 
Regards
Elix

Thanks everyone.  Good input there.  This is the kind of thing I'm looking for so I can get different angles that might help me in my next piece.
I used Spitfire Audio (Albion One).  Its a very good library which I got recently.  I does lack a little bit sharpness in the high frequency so I'll have to layer it with something.
 
 

As with most cinematic attempts, there is no musical story or point. What's with the bang at 0.27? I agree with the comments above that brass sounds a bit too synthy.
I would suggest, get a story or a movie scene in your head and try to fit the musical score to it. Make the song tell a story, build up, fall, speed up or slow, whatever sounds like the scene. Then when you play the song back, picture the scenes that you are trying to fit as the song plays.