Meet The Barnacles
(not the Fab Four but the Terrible Three)
Captain Able was once again manning the bridge on the mightly
Songship as it plowed through the putrid soundwaves on the roiling -- but never rocking -- Sea of Sterile Pastiche. Suddenly, Able heard an all too familiar sound coming from the hull of the ship -- an irritating droning croaking whiny sound that cheapened the senses. Able quickly covered his ears while shouting to his navigator "It's those damned Barnacles -- they're trying to sully and sink the
Songship. Full speed ahead!"
Down below, The Barnacles -- Blahpoop, Steryl69, and Synkophant -- were desperately attempting to cling to the
Songship in order to sink the towering song vessel. And, as usual, they were accompanied by their faithful floating beta consorts, The Attaboys, led by Dymm with assistance from EphYOU.
As The Barnacles attached their tentacles to the hull of the
Songship, they unleashed a torrent of (f)artless lyrics which were delivered in a tuneless -- although auto-tuned -- fashion. These dirges, sung without style, were accompanied by tinker toy faux reggae sounds which were grounded by thumps. The Attaboys circled and cooed encouragement in the murky waters surrounding the
Songship.
Able called out for the crew to ready for battle. Soon, the air on deck sparkled as the
Songship's crew played melodic song after song in various styles and arrangements. Tuneful vocals singing well-versed lyrics rang out with resonance and interesting phrasing. There was no need for auto-tune
and the like. Confronted again with the
Songship's lack of banality, The Barnacles were driven into a furor. Their only was to increase the volume of their monkey-like screeching. In the midst of this cacophony The Attaboys -- having been given strict orders through underwater sonar messaging -- fell silent.
Nearly overcome by the mediocrity assaulting his ears, Captain Able deftly guided the
Songship away from the area where The Attaboys were floating. He then ordered the crew to increase the melodic sounds emanating from the deck. Overcome by contact with actual talent, The Barnacles could not sustain their attack and fell from the hull into the swirling soundwave abyss. The Attaboys, floating leaderless, continued to comment amongst themselves about The Barnacles' greatness, but to no avail. The Barnacles lay quiet at the bottom of the Sea of Sterile Pastiche, brought down once again by their own banality.
The
Songship continued gliding into fresher waters guided by the most able Captain Able as new sounds were carried by fresh breezes across the newly christened Sea of Good Songs.