My Condition
Janet had known about my condition which turned out to be cancer and suggested
that I let people here know. I felt hesitant to do so but I said its O.K if she wanted
to speak about it. After all is said and done I'm so glad she did that. Today is the
first day that I've found out where things are headed so I'm starting a new thread.
First of all I thank you all so much for the concern, the prayers, the friendship,
support and the financial contributions. The thing is that "everything" that you all
have done has and is making a "difference". I had no insurance, out of work
and no income.
To speak of the financial part first I have been in so much pain that "that" in itself
has been in a way the "only" thing that I can think of. When it gets like that
there is little to no focus on things like realities such as the bills be it from
normal bills or doc and med bills. When Beagle/Reece started a fund for contributions
for me I suddenly realized the reality of just that. When I got the script filled
for just one pain medicine it was 75.00. I was shocked.
It was if I sort of woke up and realized that I'm going to have a real challenge ahead.
With the first one being this is all going to do just that, cost money. Then the shock of
realizing that I am disabled. Of course I knew that I couldn't work and that hard times
got even harder but somehow that reality didn't really sink in until today. Today was
when I returned to see the oncologist "after the tests". I knew that I had cancer
and that there would be treatment needed but today was the beginning of
"what happens".
I told the doc that I was now applying for tenncare and things like that. And for
temporary disability as well. This doctor is treating me on what he calls a "mercy"
case. when and if I can pay I can pay is ok but that he is going to "treat me anyway".
Of course everyone that I see in this process isn't going to be so merciful such as
the next operation that I'll have is for another doc to install a device in my chest
with a tube going above my heart for the chemo.
That is scheduled for next week (but) I'm in a spot because "with that doc" it's
no pay no operation so I'm hoping that something works out because "that" is
needed first. The next thing is a tube in my stomach to be fed by. the doc says
I'll not be able to eat food normally. The doc today says that I am disabled in that
since of the word and I wont be able to work. (not saying that I am disabled
as far as approved for that yet) someone else decides that.
He says that after seeing the charts and results of the tests that I have a large
tumor in the bottom of my mouth that extends down into my throat area and that
there is "something" in my lungs and hopes that "that" is only congestion.
Operating on the tumor is not possible (or an option I guess) because they
would have to remove so much of my face and whatever. So whatever the
Chemo and radiation does will be the result of of how that goes.
At the present time I have no feeling on the left side of my tongue and speaking
is very difficult. Singing is not possible even from a limited aspect as I can't even
hold a note. One of the docs who is a part of this says I won't get that feeling back
in my tongue. If that is the case I may be done for when hoping to sing again
although I'd pray that that is not the case that turns out to be. So on that
subject only time will tell. I guess I'm being a bit in denial as I hope that "I can"
sing again "sometime".
They said that I would have ringing in my ears but I'm already having that now.
So that is where things stand now as the beginning of my treatment begins.
I love you all and thank you so much for everything and as I may have mentioned
earlier all the things that you've done be it friendship, support and the financial
help have and does "make a difference". And to say "making a difference"
would be an understatement because "even before" this physical situation
you all being who you are to me has really impacted my life to the point
of it being un imaginable not ever having you as a family.
I'll keep you posted as to the "whats happening" as things go.
post edited by jimmyman - 2011/02/04 20:57:15