My composing dream has been shattered

I know that a couple of my topics have been locked, but please do not lock this one as I am seeking genuine advice now. I have lost all my feelings of pleasure (all good feelings) and I believe that me, my life, and my composing dream are nothing good at all without my good feelings. I wanted to be a composer and compose themes for anime and videogame characters and their worlds, but I have given that up since I no longer have any pleasure to make my composing dream anything truly good. 

I have created an imagined conversation between me and someone else to give you a general idea of why I am thinking my life can be nothing good without my feelings of pleasure. Therefore, go ahead and read it all and give your opinion/advice regarding it:

Response: You can enjoy being a composer without your feelings of pleasure. You can still find good value through being a composer even without any good feelings.

My Reply: Ok, so I am now in the process of being in a musical software. I am now in the process of choosing and listening to these amazing instruments and making notes from them. All of this is truly amazing, I have to admit. I can create any type of song I want. But how am I supposed to enjoy this? 

Response: There is a form of profound joy that comes from within and does not have to come from our feelings of joy and pleasure.

My Reply: If that is so, then it is nothing more than a bland and neutral form of joy and pleasure. It has no life whatsoever to it and is nothing profound. All it is is just a thought. You might be thinking that it is all just my negative attitude here and me attributing a neutral value to those thoughts which is making them neutral conscious experiences for me, but this is false. They are all neutral conscious experiences in of themselves and it has nothing to do with me attributing neutral value or any other value to them. People who genuinely perceive this as a true form of joy and pleasure are insane. They are only fooling themselves with neutral thoughts alone and perceiving them as genuinely profound and good when all they are is just neutral thoughts. Even those profound and good perceptions these people are having regarding those said thoughts are all neutral in of themselves as well.

Response: Who said life was about enjoyment? Just know that you are doing something great with your life.

My Reply: This is nothing great. It is the neutral (fake) version of great as I just said above. I can honestly conclude here that based on this personal experience and conversation with you, that feelings of pleasure are the only true good profound experience in life. I can conclude here that it is only our feelings that geniunely define us and our lives as being good or bad. If you feel good, then you and your life are good. If you feel bad, then you and your life are bad. Everything else in life including our personalites, actions, intelligence, and morals are all neutral and are all the neutral (fake) version of good and bad without our feelings. Without feelings of pleasure, then your life is not worth living at all. Even living to help others despite your absence of pleasure is nothing truly good at all. This is because you are only in your own mind and not in the minds of others. So only your own mind can define your perceptions in life. You can give them pleasure to make their lives great. But you knowing that you have made someone else's life great is all nothing more than just a neutral thought from your persepective without your feelings of pleasure. Therefore, you living to help others or for anything else without your feelings of pleasure is nothing truly good at all and you should end your life in the event that you can never recover your pleasure. 

Feelings of pleasure and suffering are the very basic biological defining functions in life. They are the only things that encourage and discourage us. People who claim to be encouraged and discouraged through just thoughts and such alone without their feelings, this is not a genuine form of encouragment or discouragment at all. The experience is all still bland and neutral and the person is simply doing nothing more than just choosing his/her actions.

I am not the content, settled, bland, and neutral type of person who just simply makes music and lives life like some job or like some robot performing tasks. Therefore, I refuse and do not live by the neutral bland version of pleasure and joy. I am greater and more profound than that. I am much more transcending than that. Therefore, I MUST have my life of full pleasure back to make me, my life, and my composing dream good again. Otherwise, my life ends and I won't have it any other way.

Even if everything you surmise above is true...which, if I understand you at all, is a distinct and likely possibility...you've still got to get up every morning, get behind the mule and plow. Or not. Your choice. No one and nothing is likely to do any of your work (read, life) for you. And no one and nothing is likely to be either watching out for you or coming to your aide. And so it goes. Life is tough...and then you die. Get on with it, Ol pal.

yorolpal
Even if everything you surmise above is true...which, if I understand you at all, is a distinct and likely possibility...you've still got to get up every morning, get behind the mule and plow. Or not. Your choice. No one and nothing is likely to do any of your work (read, life) for you. And no one and nothing is likely to be either watching out for you or coming to your aide. And so it goes. Life is tough...and then you die. Get on with it, Ol pal.

I will live for a possible full recovery from this anhedonia first.  If I can't recover, then I die.  Also, you act as though moving on with your life anyway without our pleasure is something good.  You first imply that you agree with me, but then you say to me to move on with my life anyway and act as though that is a good thing which it is not.  It is a neutral thing.  I said I was transcending and profound.  Not some type of bland person who lives life like a job or a robot.  Therefore, I refuse to live such a life and I will end it if I can't recover my pleasure.  Also, we rely on our perception of good in order to make us move on in life and give us reason to live since that is how we function normally as human beings.  Therefore, people who are fine and content with having nothing good in their lives and not having any pleasure in their lives, they would be attributing a good value to that.  Otherwise, if they didn't perceive any good value towards that, then they would have no reason to live and move on in life and they would have no reason to accept such a life.  Therefore, since I realize that me living on in this life and me accepting my absence of pleasure is nothing good at all and is all neutral, then I should find no reason to live on and become a great composer. 
 
So that being the case, you might then be asking me why am I living for a possible recovery then if I can just end my life right here and now?  The answer to that would be that how we also normally function as human beings would be for us to live to have something of true good value given back to us in life even if our lives are nothing good at all currently at the moment.  If our lives were truly nothing good at all at the moment, then the only life of value to us then would be to live trying to gain back that said thing in our lives that made our lives truly good and nothing more.  We would not find reason to live for other things.  Any other thing we do in life would all just be neutral and nothing more than like a robotic doing tasks.  We might do those things anyway.  But we would truly find no reason and no good value in doing such things.  Therefore, the only thing I am truly living for now would be for me to try and fully regain my lost pleasure.

yorolpal
Even if everything you surmise above is true...which, if I understand you at all, is a distinct and likely possibility...you've still got to get up every morning, get behind the mule and plow. Or not. Your choice. No one and nothing is likely to do any of your work (read, life) for you. And no one and nothing is likely to be either watching out for you or coming to your aide. And so it goes. Life is tough...and then you die. Get on with it, Ol pal.

You know what, this message is so great and encouraging here because it doesn't matter that I kill myself.  If a person or myself told myself the message that "I have lost everything.  I have lost the one and only good life to me and it is truly a tragic thing that I am going to die," then that would have a very depressive mood (tonality) to it which would make me feel very depressed.
 
But a mood (tonality) that says "We Live. We die.  So what?," then that is an encouraging tonality since that says it doesn't matter if I choose to end my mocking life.  I think that it would actually be the greatest moment of my life (or death in this case) if I were to choose to end my life if my pleasure could never recover.  It may be the neutral version of great, but it would still be something I would definitely perceive as the right thing to do here.

yorolpal
Oh I'm loaded with anhedonia...I kid you not. So the frick what? Look SonicFan, ol pal, you are doing nothing but asking rhetorical philosophical questions on a forum whose main concern is self amusement and non sequiturs. These are not questions for us to answer or intuit for you but for you to answer and intuit for yourself. Stop typing and start thinking.

Good luck. You're gonna need it.

Well, just to let you know, I have actually embraced and complimented that post of yours in the new previous reply I have just made.  So I am not trying to bother others here and am not trying to give them a hard time.
 
Also, what is very profound, great, and life-depending for one person (in this case, my pleasure), then that could be of no importance to another person such as yourself.  I am not you and I cannot understand how you can possibly live a life without pleasure and you are not me and you cannot possibly understand how I can't live a life of no pleasure.

savageopera
"Pontificating on the profundity of your personal philosophy"...Whew! Just try to say that three times fast. Time for my vocal warm up. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, ME! 

I am just gaining intel and insight from you all and nothing more.
 
One last thing I would like to say is that I also live to get a pleasure high off of my compositions.  If, let's pretend, that I were to create a transcending god-like supernatural theme for an awesome anime/videogame character, then I would immediately listen to that composition over and over again in order to get a transcending and profound pleasure high off of it.  This pleasure high would make me powerfully embrace the character and his/her god-like world and I would also feel god-like for having created such an awesome fitting theme for the character.  For me to create a fitting theme for an awesome god-like character also gives me a pleasure high because it is like I am perceptive like those characters.  This is because for me to create a theme that perfectly expresses his/her personality means that I know what true power and greatness is like this character and that I know the personality of this character.  I would be very likely to be admired by this character if he/she were real and I would then be transcended like him/her.  So you can see why pleasure is so very vital to me and my composing dream and that, without it, I can no longer get those pleasure highs anymore which would make me and my life bland, neutral, and nothing profound or great at all.  Pleasure, to me, is not only a human defining life force, but also a transcending god-like defining life force as well.  Without that, I am neither human nor a metaphorically spoken god-like being.  I am nothing more than a biological robot.

My ears just waxed over.........................

"silly, pointless, mental masturbation,"......................Sound like anybody we know?