My exercycle isn't working...

My new (to me anyway) exercycle isn't working!  A friend moved and gave it to me but, after a week, it hasn't done anything for me.  I mean, I've stared at it for hours and hours but it never moves and I certainly don't feel either thinner or healthier.  Maybe I should just give up and hang laundry over it like I see others do?

*Phew!*  I was worried that I'd only get "RTFM!" replies.
 
(It didn't come with a manual so I just have to wing it.)

I had a back tire blow out in the woods tonight.
 
I ended up doing 2/3rds of a mini triathlon because I was too lazy to fix the tire.
 
:-)

A few hours with a Stratomaster is good for something.

 
 

I've performed exhaustive studies on this subject.  Allow me to explain how this works.
 
Staring at the evil monstrosity is only a warm up.  Go ahead.  Stare for a few minutes while sipping your coffee.  Okay, that's enough.  It's time to get to work.  Put your mug down.  Grab one end of the machine and pull it across the room.  Your significant other will say something helpful like, "No, not over there.  Put it where the bookcase is now."  At that point, you'll empty the bookcase, heft it out of the way, and drag the excercise equipment into that spot.  Did you pinch your fingers when moving it?  Did you pull that muscle in your back?  Good.  The pain is how you know it's working.  You'll look to see if this placement meets with approval.  It does not.  "If we move the TV over here, the fireplace over there, and move this wall out four feet, the excercycle should fit nicely right here."
 
Glaring does not help.  You have work to do.  Once all modifications have been made and the room is tidied up again with a revised seating plan, new doilies, a tea cozy, and a spot for Nana's walker, you shove the excercycle into its final resting place.  "No, that's not right.  You did it wrong."
 
No.  Bad.  Throwing the excercycle would be wrong.  See her eyes narrow?  She knows you were thinking about it.  "If we get rid of all that junk in your studio, we could make that room a home gym."  Okay.  Now you can throw it.
 
Eventually, you will drag the metallic monster out to the curb, hoping some fool will take it or the garbagemen will haul it away.  Congratulations!  You've completed your workout.  As a result of your hard work, living longer seems like a much less attractive option.

@UB - The voice of experience?
 
@Starise - I've been told to look for one of those tall stair-climbers instead since you can hang more laundry on them.