Pound for pound, I reckon this is better than Monty Python's
Four Yorkshiremen* I'll never forget that first day at t' pit ....
Me and me father worked a seventy two hour shift
And then we walked home forty three miles through t' snow in us bare feet
Huddled inside us clothes made out of old sacks
Eventually we trudged over t' hill until we could see t' street light twinkling in our village.
Me father smiled down at me through t' icicles hanging off his nose
"Nearly 'ome now lad" he said
We stumbled into t' 'ouse and stood there freezing cold and tired out
Shivering and miserable in front t' meagre fire
"Any road" me mam says, "Cheer up lads. I've got you some nice brown bread and butter for your tea."
Ee me father went crackers....
He reached out and gently pulled me Mam towards him by t' throat.
"You big fat idle ugly wart" he said
"You great useless spawny-eyed parrot-faced wassock."
He had a way with words me father
He'd been to college you know
''You've been owt playing bingo all afternoon instead of getting some proper snap ready for me n this lad"
He explained to me poor little purple faced mam
'N' turning to me he said "Arthur" ... he could never remember me name ...
"Here's half a crown, nip down to chip 'ole and get us a nice piece of haddock for us tea
Man cannot live by bread alone"
He wa'r a reet tayta me father.
He said as 'ow working folk should have some dignity and pride and self respect,
And as 'ow they should come home to som'ett warm and cheerful
'N' then he threw me mam on't fire...
We din't have no tellies or shoes or bedclothes
We made us own fun in them days
Do you know when I were a lad you could get a tram down into't town
Buy three new suits 'n an overcoat, four new pair of good boots
Go 'n see George Formby at Palace Theatre,
Get blind drunk,
Have some steak 'n chips, bunch of bananas 'n three stone of monkey nuts
An' still have change out of a farthing..
We 'ad lots of things in them days they haven't got today
Rickets
Diphtheria
Hitler
... and by we did look well going to school with no backsides in us trousers 'n
All us little heads painted purple 'cause we had Ringworm
They don't know they're born today
* Please don't tell Moshpit
