Need some advice. on lyrics

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stuartsmithmusic
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2005/02/23 03:51:21 (permalink)

Need some advice. on lyrics

hi guys

New Years Eve Demo

can a few of you have a listen to the lyrics in this song. i dont know if i should change the verses?
i know the song needs re-mixing and the vocals need to be re-recorded but i was wondering in the lyrics are alright for this song or are they a complete re-do ?

i''m happy with the chorus lyrics. it's just the verses i'm a little unsure about.

thanks in advance guys!
post edited by stuartsmithmusic - 2005/02/23 04:00:36
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    stuartsmithmusic
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    RE: Need some advice. on lyrics 2005/02/23 21:09:18 (permalink)
    oh the lyrics (pending revision) i did the vocal in one take, so some of the words sung are different to the written ones. various adlibs

    NEW YEARS EVE

    VERSE
    it was early in janurary
    you had this look in your eye
    that said something
    something that i couldn't describe
    so i ran down the street after you
    you were crying in your hands
    i didn't know wxactly what to do
    so i took you in my arms
    and we talked for a little while
    in now i understand that everything is better
    in our hands
    given up, and you know its going to be a little while
    before we get there so just be pateint

    CHORUS
    remember when you ran away from me?
    it was new years eve
    i felt so disconnected from the the things that i believed
    everytime i look at the stars now
    its your face i can see
    i felt so disconnected
    it was new years eve

    VERSE 2

    next thing i know i'm sat at a bus stop
    i'm 35 and i havent done anything really important with my life
    what about that guy next to me
    i bet he's got a wife and kids
    i'm sure that he' sreally happy, yeah
    i don't know what to do
    can ya tell me what to do
    i'm sick and tired of this place
    i'm sick and tired of this race
    killing time like a fire thats getting lonley
    thinking back to 1995

    chorus repeated

    BRIDGE

    everytime i sin
    i want to take it away
    it feels liek somethings got me down again

    CHORUS 2
    remember when you use to come to me
    it was new years ever
    i felt so disconnected
    you'd never believe
    everytime i look in your eyes now
    its your face i can see
    i felt so disconnected

    adlib..

    END
    #2
    kiwisdontdrinktea
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    RE: Need some advice. on lyrics 2005/02/23 22:05:38 (permalink)
    The only line I don't like is:

    everytime i look at the stars now
    its your face i can see

    and I don't like the bridge. But it doesn't really matter. I mean if you really want some nitpicking that is what I'd pick on.

    If I wrote the chorus and I wanted to say what you are saying, I'd say something to the effect of.

    everytime i ...., its your face i can see.
    I know you don't look the same, everything has changed even that street.
    I wonder where you are now, did you ever stop running?

    That is just the gist of it, not sure how it would fit. Anyways it's a good song as it is.

    She done stole my song - Otis Redding

    http://www.beatkiwi.com
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    Richard Brian
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    RE: Need some advice. on lyrics 2005/02/23 22:22:57 (permalink)
    Hey Stuart! Works for me. Both verse and chorus lyrics. Chorus would sound cooler I think if you raise the melody in that part so it's centered around the 5th in the triad.



    http://www.someofmyownstuff..com

    #4
    stuartsmithmusic
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    RE: Need some advice. on lyrics 2005/02/23 22:24:57 (permalink)
    ace richard thanks!

    i dont think my voice can go into the 5th triad.. i'll try it though!
    #5
    stuartsmithmusic
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    RE: Need some advice. on lyrics 2005/02/23 22:26:25 (permalink)
    cool thanks dude

    i think i'll change the word face to fate.

    gives it a bit more depth.
    post edited by stuartsmithmusic - 2005/02/23 22:34:31
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    RockMaestro
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    RE: Need some advice. on lyrics 2005/02/23 23:38:35 (permalink)
    I can follow the progression of the ballad from the first verse to the second, but as far as the story goes, I don't get how the bridge (and to some extent the chorus too) relate to the verses.

    If "you ran away from me? / it was new years eve" then why "it was early in janurary / you had this look in your eye"? On second look, does the first verse describe the break up? But still, wouldn't it be "It was late in December / You had this look in your eye"?

    Peter Raffensperger
    www.peter.raffensperger.org
    www.soundclick.com/bands/ilamstone
    #7
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