Nine-Tenths of Nothing - jsykes

http://www.soundclick.us/fastkG/09/02/freemp3/jeffreysykes+ninetenthsofnothing.mp3

Folks: Here is a song I did a while ago. I went back and applied some eq and compression after learning some things here. I don't think the stereo field is very wide, but I would like you all to let me know what you think and what I can do to improve the recording.

Thanks to all in the songs forum.

Jeff.

soundclick acting up-it's 5:00 a.m. their time-they might be upgrading charts. Will try again later.

Am I allowed to bump this?

ORIGINAL: jmarkham

bump away ....
i like the chords .. but the bass line .. it sounds atonal (sharp on a few notes)? to
me .. like at :11->:14, :22->:25 (and repeats). could be what you're going for, but
it detracts from the melody IMHO ...

could you post the lyrics for me? you might be a little too clever for
your own bad self .. but might be able to see more if i can read it
over some.


keep 'em coming!
jeff

Thanks, Jeff.
You are probably right about my attempted bass line. I think I've come across a solution for my situation (e.g., lack of a real bass). Maybe that will show in my next song.

Thanks for the interest in the lyrics. I started learning the gtr so many years ago because I liked to write poetry and thought it would be neat to write songs.
This song is modified from a poem I wrote, Victorian Shackles. I added a verse from another poem, and made this song about, what else, an Atlanta girl I knew in college and my own co-dependency.

I appreciate the encouragement a lot.

Nine-Tenths of Nothing
by Jeffrey Sykes

I took the 7:30 train to Atlanta in the rain
The rhythm of the drops called your name
Duplicity’s all the same, audacity kept me sane
But then the flowers swore out a criminal complaint

When I see a Georgia license plate as a vehicle clamors by
After I’ve watched the brave play, above the earth, ‘fore stars and sky
As many lies I heard Newt postulate, the man was evil, I’m glad he resigned
It’s infinitesimal compared to the times that I tried to rectify the denial

If you take too long to think it out you have more than you need to know
Amassing time while eloquence provides for thoughts to flow
Compassion if you’d fall on me and alleviate the cross I bear
Wipe away the memories and terminate despair

I’m separated like the peaches pit from a fruit more sweet than sour
She’s got a dimple no simple soul could resist, in my mind spare time’s devoured
By the narcotic of her beauty, so laconic yet vivacious
I cannot deny the seconds I miss, nor the Victorian shackles of beauty and bliss

If you take too long to think it out you have more than you need to know
Amassing time while eloquence provides for thoughts to flow
Compassion if you’d fall on me and alleviate the cross I bear
Wipe away the memories and terminate despair

Because I would
(For you)
You know I would, because
Compassionate possession is nine-tenths of nothing

nice overall feel Jeff.

Strong points

1. Drum sound-probably a loop huh?
2. Rhythm guitars.
3. Lyric

Points to maybe pay a little more attention to in future recordings.

1. Too much chorusing feel on the acoustics.
2. Bass is moving a lot. That's kind of cool in the interludes/intros, but when the voice comes in might want to straighten out a bit.
3. Check that the notes you are playing on the electric are in groove with the chording. Also the lead was pretty fuzzy for this genre. A cleaner tone with some tube distortion might be nice.

Keep 'em comin'.