Original tune . . . "WALK AWAY" . . .

Hey gang
I'm on a incredible dry spell when it comes to music.  But I do have about a 1:20 worth of an original song that I've been working on.  I would greatly appreciate any comments or suggestion because I'm just not feeling it.

"WALK AWAY"
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=856789&songID=11697474

THANKS MUCH
Kev

Hey FRANK
It's Very PITCHY!   I did the vocals in about 15 minutes and I wrote them as I went.  I took my time on the instrument but got really lazy when it came to singing. I just don't know what it is but I'm in a major. . .funk!


THANKS much for the ears and comments.


Kev

Hi Kev , sounds like your on the right track for another great song by you , can't wait to hear the whole song .
I hate those days and sometimes weeks when you just can't make something click , I myself found myself in a dry spell over some recent health issues but manage to start a new electronica song a few days ago with some degree of success so far .
Keep at it Kev maybe both of us will finished our song projects soon . Have fun ,  see you at the finsh line buddy !

James - The Night Fox

Sounds good to me so far Kev, you should finish this one. Piano is lovely and the chugging guitar that drops in on the chorus is perfect. Hearing some bass distortion in the left channel.

I'll reserve my crit until pistolpete weighs in.


I keed, I keed.


Nice start.

Hey BAPU
PistolPete!  I did know he was back from his WORLD tour.  THANKS for the listen and the ears.

Yo JAMES
I was wanting to stay away from the BIG guitars but I believe you are correct on adding some girth.  THANK YOU very much for your help.

THANK YOU
Kev

Hello WARREN
I've been writing a lot of sad sappy songs lately.  IMO I have a tone that is hard to sing up-tempo . . . happy tunes.  All I know is that I really appreciate the song forum and YOURSELF for the support and suggestion to help me with my music.  Even if I only know about three chords you guys make me feel like a muscian. 
THANKS AGAIN for the use of your ears


LATER
Kev

Yep, deffo has to be finished, for sure. Needs to be more of a change in the chorus - I would go with some nice synth textures rather than big guitars - mebbe save them for the end /outro. I like your voice - fit's this perfectly - I have the same tendency to lean towards meloncholy tunes for the same reason. I've always wanted to do something with a bit more attitude, but it just sounds silly when I try it. We are what we are and all that.

When hit the wall with writing I tend to just do covers for a bit so that I don't have to think about how it goes, 'cos someone did that already and I can just concentrate on the sounds / mixing / production. Usually this ends up sparking an idea for something else and I'll be off again.

Finish Him!!!!


Huge guitars.  Even Huger strings.  Yeah, I said it.  You know you want to...... ;)

Ever play one of those new mobile games that you download for free where it's great until it suddenly stops and asks you to upgrade to continue?

So where do we upgrade to get the rest of this song??!

As someone mentioned above, the only (minor) issue is with the vocals.  The song has a strong REO Speedwagon vibe IMO and the extras that made their songs special could be applied here.  I feel the vocals on the chorus are like the studio version of Boom Boom Out Go The Lights (Pat Travers) versus the live version.  One is sung like an intimate love song and the other has a lot of energy.  I think you should choose the energy path for the chorus.

Then...

Add some nice Journey-ish / REO Speedwagon guitar (it's begging for a nice connecting line right where you ended it) then give it a space for a lead and end it for real with some melodic lead work while the vocals are reaching a cresendo.  Listen to either Faithfully or Take It On The Run for two examples.

I think this has "HIT" written all over it.

FYI - Pat Travers - Studio version

I'm just going with what I'm hearing based on the genre(s) you have listed.  With that beginning you can actually go down the soft rock path and make an Air Supply type song or go down a more rock-oriented path and sound like Bon Jovi or (insert one of many other rockers who started a song like this that exploded into metal).

Personally, I think the Journey/REO Speedwagon path was the best fit (and the one I'd want to listen to).

Now back to work!!! 

(BTW - I think just about all of us would love to have more skills when it comes down to performance, well, except maybe Danny, that guy is just scary - in a good way!  LOL!  )

Depends on what you're going for Kevin.  Air Supply was very marketable, lots of girls just loved them (and they buy a LOT of albums!).  The main point I was trying to make is that your tune has a lot of potential; you just need to decide which direction you want to go.

Ohhhhhh I know how marketable Air Supply was as I'm sitting in my modest home as they take another dip in the mansion's swimming pool.  Just think, one hit could make life a lot easier.

Hey TIM
THANKS for the props!  Leading that's the problem.

THANKS GENTS
Kev

I like your song, there are some vocal issues front and back, both performance and production (IMO)

Hey Kev, sorry I didn't notice this before.  Well you have the chops, I didn't really notice the pitch issues too much.

For me the delay on the vocals was a little distracting, this genre the vocals just need a little live verb.

So where do you want this tune to go, for me after listening to it twice, I would not go into the chorus right away.  I would have two verses, then go into the chorus, then go back into verse, middle 8, then maybe the verse again but at some point go up a key.  You know how they do in power ballads and maybe even keep the higher key for a final chorus.  For the outro just have the main piano riff playing.

I know it's hard when you get into a funk and you haven't wrote for a while, I'm in that position at the moment but I am slowy forceing myself back to work.  What I tend to do is go back and look at my sketches and try and peice something together.  Thats what I am doing for my concerto.

Peace Ben