Para-Normality

So, this morning I was wondering about para-normal abilities (or Psionics, if you prefer).  If I had the opportunity to choose a "special" ability, what would it be?  Telekinesis?  Telepathy?  Teleportation?  Telemarketing?
 
Telekinesis would be nice.  No more getting up to root through various couch cushions to find the remote for me!  Instead, I could sit in my recliner and shake the couch out from across the room.  Those sitting on the couch at the time may find the process unpleasant, but those channels aren't going to change themselves.  Fetching items from other rooms would no longer require the assistance of more or less willing children. 
 
Telepathy might be good.  In fact, it is the only chance I have at finally being able to understand certain people in my family.  Want to share a thought with someone?  Forget Twitter!  Just drop it in their head.  Want to play that Am note for everyone in the Coffee House?  Easy.  Resonate their brains out. 
 
Teleportation would rock.  Commute?  I don't think so.  If certain CH personnel had this ability, imagine how much more effective their nagging could be!  Don't like the weather?  You're outta here!  Want to stand on top of Mt. Everest without the hassle of all that climbing?  No problem.  Granted, that misses the point of the climb, but you'll get some great photos. 
 
Anyway, as I considered these things, I began to think of the possible downsides. 
 
With telekinesis, I'd constantly have people asking me to get things for them.  If anything was ever missing, it would always be my fault.  Wait, that's already the case.  So, no change there.  After awhile, fetching the remote from across the room, sneaking a slab of becan, and/or pouring a mug of coffee from the other room would get old.  Ok.  The becan thing never gets old, but the point remains. 
 
Telepathy?  I don't even know what I think, let alone what psychotic machinations lurk within the dark recesses of other people's heads.  There's an awful lot of people I just don't want to know, so would I really want to be assaulted with their thoughts?  That could get pretty bad. 
 
At first, I didn't see a downside to teleportation.  Then I thought about inertia, the laws of Thermodynamics, and the movement of objects in space.  While the idea of suddenly teleporting oneself from one end of the world to another sounds appealing, slamming oneself into a greasy stain at the destination takes a lot of the enjoyment out of it.  Accidentally teleporting oneself off the planet could be bad as well.
 
That was when a really awful thought crept in.  It was an insidious, creepy, paranoid, and malevolent thought.  What if everyone else already had these abilities and I did not?  They could mess with my head anytime, anywhere.  They could maintain the illusion that I was "like them" as a sick, twisted joke.  "Want to make the mutant throwback think he belongs in society?  Yeah, that's funny!  We can't wait to see the look on his face when he finally realizes he's been punk'd!"  Some take the prank so far, that they actually appear to suffer alongside me.  Those people stuck in traffic alongside me - they're obviously just messing with me.  They could teleport out of here anytime.  The reason I can never find anything - others move my stuff around when I'm not looking.  How else could you explain my cell phone ending up in the refrigerator next to the becan?  My wife knows what I'm thinking better than I do - is that because she's reading my mind, or because she's telling my mind what to think?  Some might say it's because she's female, but that's beside the point. 
 
Chills ran down my spine as I realized that this meant that the Coffee House is in on the prank as well.  "We'll drive him stark raving mad!  First, we'll break the CD player in his vehicle.  Then, we'll covertly switch his coffee to decaff.  Stick him in the middle of a traffic jam with road construction.  He'll be stuck there with no music, no caffine, and nothing else to occupy his feeble little talentless brain!  That's when we'll slip a few thoughts about para-normal abilities.  He'll be too stupid to realize those are not his thoughts.  His entire world will shatter!  Everyone he's ever known and trusted will be exposed as sadistic monsters!  He'll look around and there will be nowhere to hide, no one to help him, and no escape from his tormentors.  Just as his paranoia reaches a fever pitch, we erase his memory, and play our game again.  We could keep this up forever..."
 
What was I saying?  I can't remember now.  It seemed important, but...  Nevermind.  I'm sure it will come back to me later.  It always seems to...

It seems that the "special ability" you actually might have success at is the one you didn't include in your reviews above..........Telemarketing.

I want that super power where you think really hard.

UbiquitousBubba


I've thought more about that.  There's an astonishing number of people that I've never talked with on the phone before.  It seems that the best times to reach them so they can benefit from a lengthy conversation with me about their need for additional insurance or Moob enhancement therapy might be either during dinner or late at night when they're in bed.

It's an awesome ability.  Using only a phone, a half-baked business plan, and an annoying script, I can reach out and touch people anywhere on the planet at my convenience.

It has a downside, of course.  I already have enough trouble with trying to keep people from deciding to finish me off in bizarre, painful, and creative ways.  I don't really need to be hunted by an entire planet of crazed, psychotic killers any more than I already Am.

Possibly practicing a little anonymity might avoid you suffering an unnecessary telemarketing martyrdom (not that there's a necessary version of it). Even better, is to use an alias or familiar/popular household name which everyone loves....uhmm....Bapu comes to mind. (Imagine the sales revenue this would generate?, but then again if you had telepathy, you'd already know this). 
Or would you?

Fortunately, I don't have this particular dilemma as I've been gifted with only one special gift.......ESPN.
I SEE ALL!!!!
 




(channels)

Excellent.  I've got dibs on Starise's becan! 

You do bring up a good point.  Having para-normal abilities may lead one to withdraw further from society rather than to use their abilities within society.  This could be a defensive reaction against the crush of humanity's requests/demands for your assistance.  It could also be a recognition of the tendancy within all of us to attempt to sieze power in order to rule the world, thereby becoming the classic Arch Villain.  Of course, it could also be an attempt to safeguard one's becan.

If that other Bubba tries to take over the world, I'm sure someone will come along and kick him out.  They always do.  Meanwhile, I'm going to stay here in my bunker and enjoy some becan.

Hmm... Every morning it seems, around the same time, there's a new "deep thought" thread from UB...

Coincidentally, that's about the same time Mother Nature calls me to the restroom as well.  Hey, I think I understand now!

I failed to see the analogy...

 
 Paranormal- not normal- beyond the range of normal scientific explanation.

 Agnostic view- People have extra ordinary abilities in the spirit realm, unexplainable but eventually explainable.Seek to explain scientifically.

 Skeptic view- It doesn't exist.

 Religious view- The spirit world exists. Angels are real. Demons are fallen angels. THESE are the beings clarvoyants,witches,etc. communicate with. This is the basis for the "paranormal".Demons are not your friend.

Spiritualist view-  Some of our loved ones are still here in another dimension,or some kind of a "loop" from another time is repeating itself.

  I believe a combination of the last two. You can become a "host" for the bad guys. A person might derive some benefit from it but they are being used.

 

 
 

The new definition of Para-Nomality: Mooch and Bapu