Played for a fool

Hi Mark, nice song, the nylon string guitar doesn't  sound like a real guitar, more like an electric piano, also the rhythm guitar isn't driving the song along, sounds a bit start/stop. Sorry to be critical , but the nylon string guitar is my main instrument and I haven't heard a sampled one that I like. I also like the song better after that drum and bass break, has a bit more rhythm to it.

Greetings, Rik

Spock in Star Trek had one of my favoite lines..."I have no ego to bruise"

Thanks for the great input.
 

Thanks for the input.
Rik, I intentionally doubled tracked the lead guitar voice with a Rhodes voice. (good ear) But that was only in the 2nd section during the lead.  I will re-do the guitar with a live track when the vocals are done.
Kroneborge - Nothing was done to any of the tracks. I did use perfect space on 2 tracks. Yes, it is long...The 1st section has two versus and then the 2nd part was intended for instrumental solos.
Ohgrant - I did post the vocals on the site so the listener could get an idea why the 1st part is dragging a lethargic. It is simply amazing how the VST technolgy has advanced. I could have never done this using GM sounds.  I think the final mix with live instruments will sound better.

If and when I get the vocals recorded, I will most likely hire someone to mix it down for me..
Sitting in the car with a notebook plugged into the stereo is not the best method of mixing down tracks....

Thanks again,

Mark

Thanks, I will make changes and re-post. I wasn't sure how to go about it, but I read one post, (My cup of tea) where the OP just added a second link of the revised song.  Once I make changes, I will guess it's ok to do the same.  Thanks for the welcome and comments.

Hey, Mark!  I can tell you've put a lot of work into this and I can tell you have a lot of talent there.  other than what has already been said, I'll mention that the drums sound kind of lifeless until almost 2 min into the song.  the kick sounds very dull thudding.  some of the crashes have no ring to them, while others do.  I'm guessing the drums came from your keyboard.  I'd suggest using a drum softsynth.  I can't remember which version of cakewalk you have, but even if it's MC you can download Session drummer 2 for only $10 and that's well worth the price.

I have to say I'm not thrilled with the nylon myself, in fact I think I'd change that to a regular acoustic for this song.  nylon doesn't even seem to fit the song, IMO.

this is excellent work for your first post, tho!  keep at it!

Thanks for the comments.

Janet, I struggled with finding the string voice with the right attack,

Beagle - Thanks, I started this in Pro Audio and do have a lot of time in it. I'm going for a jazz brush set. There are 3 tracks of drums. Each with it's own color.  I've been editing, shortning, pulled the rhodes out. I quess everyone is refferring to the melodic line voice.
I just wished I could sing. I can sing backup all day, but just don't have that voice for lead.
I'll fix it or just convince my lead singer/keyboardist of 30 years to come over and do the vocal track.
Benzofog - What a compliment.  Thank you Yes, you picked up on the pain that someone could be going through.  Good ear. It's very cool when things just seem to sync up...wind shield wipers syncing to music is a good one. Gotta ask...which movie?

Have to do the day job today...thanks for listening.

Thank you Beagle, very good input. Everyone's input is appreciated and being considered for the next version.

I fixed the playback page.  There is a chorus with the title in it but I understand what you're saying.  Right now, there's only 2 verses, 1 chorus.  The 2nd part of the song was to express the feeling of change. Like any relationship/marriage, people will go though changes.  The woman it's about...I'm still married to her after 30 years. (1st and only marriage) We have grown apart, but we still tolerate each other :)  I want the song to reflect change.  But without the proper lyric's to support that change, the difference in the style/feel of the tune wouldn't make sense.  So with that said, I either need to get busy writing a 3rd and 4th verse and get some closure or just have two versions of the same song.  Which could work too.

When I wrote "be gentle" I was just kidding.  I won't do that again because I wouldn't want a good idea be not to be given thinking it would hurt my feelings.  (Which is a whole other topic I've been wondering about but will stay on the subject at hand)... I appreciate a honest critique and respect this groups opinion as some of you do this for a living where I just play around with it.

I hope to work on it within the next few days to incorperate the changes suggested.  But again, I can change the structure, but may need to farm out the mix portion, if I can't get it right.  I have a lot to do before I get to that point.

The vocalist/keyboardist I've been working with for over 32 years and who has many hours singing this song on stage, promised me today he'll get a vocal track to me...we'll see.

Thanks again.

   You have a great example as to the groove, production, instruments etc to
lay out the concept of the song. The mix is also good enough to display what
the song could sound like once completed. Were it me I would narrow the
length of it to about 4 minutes. That may be something that as a writer we
don't want to hear someone say because in our minds we may feel that there
is so much to do, say, express etc and it would take all that time to create
the goal of the visual or expression.

  It's like listening to someone speak. Some people may speak or say
something and you go, WOW? it sparked an emotion or something that
had an impact. While yet in contrast another person might ramble on
(at length) and really say nothing. I'm not implying that your song
is such in that since of "going on" It's just a comparative term.

  Another thing with a "lengthy" song is the wanting the "visual" in the
person listening to "get that visual". This could become a situation where
as the writer we are "over explaining". The objective would be to
have the listener "wanting" to hear what's next, not just sitting there
and "making it through" the song.

  I sometimes see here on the forum where a writer may want the song to
be "movie like". To sort of have scenes, movements or some other effect
upon the listener where there is I guess a story of sorts. I can only
speculate and can't say with any certain validity but it seems to me that
this "style" of song here that you have would be better suited for a "listen
to the music" type of song.

  It could be a really "jamming" song. The type of song where a person is
going hey? check out that guitar solo, Man? the band sounds great!
And in the case of having vocals wow? that's some awesome singing!
The lyrics are cool. etc.

  One way to put it is that the listener is "into" the song itself and not
a mental image as the result of that song. In a movie my perception that
I get is where the "song" accents, enhances a scene, helps create emotion
as well as a number of other things (but) things are not "about" the
song, It's about the movie.

   Of course there are videos of songs where the "song" itself is the
main focus but even then I wonder if the video of that song becomes
the focal point more than the song. I wouldn't want a song of mine to
be "dependent" on the video to be a good song although in contrast
to what I just said the video would "enhance" the song.

  However that is "having" the video and "seeing it" as opposed to
"wanting" the listener to create their own image.

  The things that I mention here may be more in line with what (I'm)
wondering or thinking about in terms of writing etc as I look at
myself and learn and grow in this field of writing music. That may be
more what I'm referring to than your song as far as where we go
with our works. I guess it's a bit like "thinking out loud" as I listen to
"your song".

   Your song very good, I look forward to seeing it develop.