"Please God"

Hi all,

I'm hoping some of the experts on this forum can give me some advice on this song. I'm not an expert on the genre - Christian Country - and I'm having a "Devil" of a time deciding how to record and mix it.

What I have here is a working "sketch" of the song which is piano based, but really needs to be guitar based with piano fills. That much I get. Probably steel guitar would be a good addition. I'm hoping that any of you who know more about the genre (Country, not just Christian Country) can give me some advice (up to and including "scrap it" ).

It's a really simple song, one that my lyrics guy and I wrote almost 10 years ago as a gift to a friend, but never recorded. So I'm thinking "how hard can this be to just make reasonable demo?" but it's caused me no end of frustration. It seems like it's starting to gel, but isn't quite there yet.

Anyway, here's the link:

Please God

Thanks, folks!

Gary

The overtly literal presentation of the subject is not my cup of tea and I appreciate that it this a whole genre that is outside of my area so I can't comment with any qualification on the lyrical content or the message, but by no means is that a criticism of anyone's beliefs or vehicle of expressing those beliefs.

Musically it is a very nicely done coherent piece that shows plenty of skill, well recorded, mixed and put together.

No crits at all here.

Nice job.

Hi Gary,

I'm in agreement with Jonbouy's comments above (I'm glad I didn't post my original thoughts, 'cos he put it much better than me!) I think the song and performance stand up well as is, voice and piano. Lyrically though, not my cup of tea.

Hi Gary

There's not a lot to improve on here, the performances, the recording and the mixing are from the top drawer - very clear and distinct.

Nice work

Steve

Hi Gary,

I think what you have here is pretty good already! Your vox really shine on this song, and it's a quality arrangement and performance overall.

However, in response to your OP, I don't hear country here at all - I think brass/horns and strings would have a much better impact/addition to this song, JMO. But it's also already very good in its current form.

Cheers,
Doug

Hi all,

First, thank you all for listening and taking the time to comment, even though for many it's definitely not your cup-o-tea! I really appreciate and value your constructive criticism! There's alot of very talented people here whom I have a great deal of respect for, and I'm learning a lot. Thanks!

The lyric is highly personal, and was written by my lyricist friend for another who had been through some pretty deep waters. I do agree that generally the lyric is too specifically targeted for wide appeal. Perhaps the lyric comes across as too cut-and-dry, too pat.

Kev, Herb, Janet and Steve: Thanks very much for giving it a listen and for your kind words.

Jon, James, Tom and Ed: Again, thanks for listening and for the critique!

Ed and Doug: Clearly I'm not a country singer and maybe that spoils any country flavor. I guess I never thought about this outside the country genre. Maybe that's the source of my frustration with this song - maybe genre cognitive dissonance Is my vocal out of place in this, or is song itself just not suited for country style? Anyway, thanks so much for the listen and suggestions!

Tom, thanks and I agree it really does come down to what the writers goals for the song are.

Gary, I dont think your vocal is out of place at all. I also think the song is very suited to a country style arrangement wise. That being said, what often defines a song as country is the singer. Country singers are usually a product of their environment where everyone talks with that southern drawl. (there are rare exceptions I am sure). You get Hank Williams to sing this and add some peddle steel, you bet it's going to sound country. Let Marvin Gaye sing it and obviously it wont sound country at all. There is a song by Sting that comes to mind called 'I'm so Happy" now this song is super country but the voice is...well Sting. These are crossover artists or songs. Country to Pop is a very popular crossover.

Genre can be a pretty involved topic, not only because of the subjective nature of music but also the mixing and melding of musical styles. So it's back to what Tom said. It comes down to your goals for the song. Right now the song is working on a worship/contemporary christian genre hugely in part to the lyrics but also the style of singing. Ok that's alot to read and the topic you raised would actually be a good thread in itself because it's so broad. Hope this helps some. Take care bud.

DANGER, strong criticism ahead. Don't read if you are overly sensitive.

I don't want to crush your spirit but I'm not too crazy about the song. I think you go to the well too often with the play on words and the repetition of words in particular. It gets to the point of being trite and overly cute. Someone previously mentions to use a bit of subtlety in your lyrics. Think "word pictures". The Bible (in the Greek) is full of them. For example, when portraying meakness , picture a wild stallion totally under the control and discipline of an experience rider using a bridle. Whole different concept, when thought about like that, huh?

In my opinion the tune was written in the 1990s so let it remain there. It is typical of what I was hearing in the Assemblies of God back in the 80s and early 90s. Good enough for your local congregation but it won't stand up against what is being released now a days. I think there is a market for contemporary Christian Country but listen to what's out there at the present. I'm looking for some Christian country with some attitude. I want someone with some in your face stuff like Trace Atkins, Big and Rich, Kenny Chesney. Give us something fresh and new.

Get past this namby, pamby arrangement and get with something a man can relate to.

Hello, my toe sense: its nice piano comping with obviously lots of ability. I would suggest retracking those parts or copyng to another more prominent piano instrument, but with a sparser arrangement. Then I would suggest adding piano 16th note 'fills' on scales responding to the vocal lines which then lead into each next line. The overall arrangement would remain-drums, vocs, etc but it might bring some fresh sparkle. Ara www.aratunes.us

As others have said, the basic sonics are fine. If I was producing this I would cut it down to 3:30 instead of the almost 5 minutes it runs. Please God, I got the message on that and its repeated too many times to the point of washing out the message. Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest because I really would like you to take another pass at this and improve it.

Basically you have a foundation problem. Great idea, great message but it reminds me of the guy telling a story and constantly interjecting, "do you know what I mean?" Shorten it, don't fill out the strong structure but let the structure enforce the lyrics. Refine and shorten the lyrics as well. Get to the core lines that convey the experience and take out the wordy, belaboring lyrics. For this lesson, I'm sending you to go listen to Yesterday by the Beatles. Listen to how simple that song is, how quickly it gets to the message and then closes. Lyrical songs should be an encapsulated moment and once the message is delivered you take them out singing or you leave them with a pondering moment. Choose one but don't beat them over the head with a tag line which is deep. Here's a couple of questions. 1. Did the song keep the listener guessing where it was going. 2. Did the song keep the listeners interest.

On another note, the ambiance of the song is almost Mitch Miller i.e. bad sound reverb which makes me feel like I am in a concrete block church on the outskirts of town in the 1960s.

The pace and mood of the music is light hearted and bouncing. Those lyrics are of a heart wrenching experience. They don't match up mood wise. Please God, the line seems like words for a slower paced tempo.

I know the line Please God was a heartful prayer but there are other ways of delivering that i.e. I turn to you again, Here I am alone, I yield to you etc. Which would make better repeatable lines.

I'm sure I will take a few bullets here but it's all with love. There is a core piece of creativity in the song which needs to be approached a different way.

Finally, re-sing the song. There are many points where the voice wavers and a good jog before you lay it down again would benefit some of the notes.

To me this sounds like a southern gospel song. - eg. http://sogospel.com

A southern gospel arrangement would typically have a big vocal arrangement... with all the singers in the group coming in on the chorus.

Your arrangement isn't so. gospel, but the cleverness of this tune, both lyrically and the basic melody of this are totally out of the southern gospel playbook.

It's a good tune. All the best with it. To have a chance of commercial success, I think you should aim this where, IMHO, it's a perfect fit.

Peace,

Ian

Contemporary Country with a touch of Jazz ... A breath of fresh air. Extremely well performed, IMHO. I say Country because it is melancholic.

My personal gripe (0.000002 cents) is the extensiveness of the lyrics: Story-telling at close to 5 minutes is difficult for my pop tastes ... though sweetly voxed.

... the hooks ("fell to my knees", "hear my pleas", etc.) are invocations 'begging deliverance'. But like so many Country CCM songs (including my own), I, personally, don't 'feel' the Lord-God Almighty nor the Christ too much in this. Fortunately "it couldn't cover my sin" does invoke a redeemer.

IOWs, it may lack some vicarious disgust of sin ... just the *pepto-dismal* moaning (unlike Jeremiah's desperate cry "Hide not Thy face from my breathing" (Lamentations 3).

Of course, because its humble, pleading, and childlike ... many timid-Christians and country folk will identify and love this song (as is).

Solutions:
Do not scrap this! It is awesome. Backing vocals / reverb are excellent. Lead vox is excellent! Recording is masterly, IMO!
I might cut out extraneous lyrics to make a pop version! Just keep the strong first verse and hooks (the rest of the verses confuse me). I'd keep repeating the pleading hooks (as you do).
And/or make this leaner and meaner: Stress sin's disgust a bit more (like David in Ps 88, Jeremiah's Lamentation 3, etc.) so the hook ("Please God") gets real.

I'm very honored to evaluate your song.

Ian: Thanks for listening and for the kind words. Your point about Southern Gospel is well taken! Where are the Imperials when you need them? I appreciate your critique.

Rick: I've never really been happy with this song, for a number of reasons that I wasn't able to put my finger on until I posted here and got feedback form some of the forum members. I think you may have come up with another piece of the puzzle that I had missed. Thank you for taking the time to listen and comment!

Philip: Thanks so much for your thoughtful critique and suggestions! And I agree it's a little long for a pop tune. I'm honored that you took time to evaluate and comment!

Shaun: Thanks very much for the props!

Not my style of music at all.

I read a lot of the comments and must admit that Middleman made some good points.

Doubt if that helps any, but at least I listened.

Ron

Agree with "not country"...

Like the song!
Would def. be cool with a gospel choir backing it.