Helpful ReplyPretty sure I can make a living as an author!

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Mooch4056
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2017/03/10 15:05:56 (permalink)

Pretty sure I can make a living as an author!

 
 
"Roar!" said the mean lion! "Boo" said the scary ghost. "Woof!" Said the happy dog!
 
 
See?
 
 
Whaddya think? 

From Now On Call Me Conquistador! 
 
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BobF
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 15:11:59 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/10 15:21:22
As he read the carefully crafted prose, he could smell the fresh scent of apple blossoms from the trees the lion, the ghost and the dog were gathered under.

Bob  --
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Mesh
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 15:21:32 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/10 15:43:47
BobF
As he read the carefully crafted prose, he could smell the fresh scent of apple blossoms from the trees the lion, the ghost and the dog were gathered under.


Yeah baby!!
Bow wow wow, yippee yo yippee yay!!
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Mooch4056
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 15:44:43 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mesh 2017/03/10 16:39:19
 
 
I feel a New York best seller is flowing through my veins trying to get out! 

From Now On Call Me Conquistador! 
 
Donate to the cure Bapu Foundation
Email: mooch4056@gmail.com for more info




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eph221
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 16:21:10 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/10 16:22:34
BobF
As he read the carefully crafted prose, he could smell the fresh scent of apple blossoms from the trees the lion, the ghost and the dog were gathered under.


*under which the lion, the ghost, and the dog were gathered*  (better)

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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 17:13:13 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby kennywtelejazz 2017/03/10 17:57:16
The drums beat steadily all last night but have ceased since sunrise this morning.

Privates Dunnow and Fink found the strain unbearable and showed up for sentry duty as an accordion-playing pantomime horse on a unicycle - although to their credit, still in uniform.

Alphonse brightened up the men briefly by throwing together a delightful, impromptu little breakfast of kedgeree and wild trout followed by fresh strawberries and some delightful little crepes. The men have had a whip round and bought him Fewster's "History of Military Chef's and the Great Campaigns of Wellington Before He knew anything".

I have sent 2nd Platoon out on a recce but fear the worst since for the past half-hour several empty beer cans have been flung into our lines wrapped in the men's underpants and accompanied by coarse jeering and colourful taunts.

Vicar Wilt has relinquished his kilt in favour of something from C&A and patrols the parapet with his portable gramophone playing requests to keep up the men's spirits. A popular title seems to be "Why Don't You F off You Silly Sod", but the good Vicar doesn't seem to have that one in his collection. However, the effects upon the men's morale of repeat playings of "Songs of the Male Sallowflench recorded in the Great Threshing Barn at Titmost-Under-The-Bule" are there for all to see.

I have sent Lance-Corporal Wittering on a near suicide mission to the "Blindfold and Compass" for crisps and shandy. Meanwhile Sergeant Roundnethers is bellowing nicely from the redoubt.

I ordered the men to fix bayonets, but they said they said there was no need because they weren’t broken.

 
Jyemz
 
 
 



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sharke
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 17:30:37 (permalink)
Oh I am a little robin red-breast, with me wings a-flappin' in the breeze
Climb aboard me back me hearties, and I'll fly yers up into the trees
We'll have a picnic with the squirrels, but you'll have to balance on a leaf
'Cause there's not much room left on the branches, and there's alligators underneath
 
(c) Me, some doctor's waiting room about 6 years ago

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Mooch4056
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 17:39:05 (permalink)
 
 
Oh Ok. I see now I have all kinds of competition for my new novel. "How Now Brown Cow" 
 
 
Typical 

From Now On Call Me Conquistador! 
 
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Mesh
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 17:54:17 (permalink)
Mooch4056
 
 
"How Now Brown Cow" 
 
 
Typical 


Monkey see monkey do
Forum monkeys gonna throw poo on ewe
 
 

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BobF
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 17:56:48 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mesh 2017/03/10 18:01:00
eph221
BobF
As he read the carefully crafted prose, he could smell the fresh scent of apple blossoms from the trees the lion, the ghost and the dog were gathered under.


*under which the lion, the ghost, and the dog were gathered*  (better)




Could be, depending on how the narrator is being presented to the reader.  My version is intended to give the reader the impression that the narrator is a repressed, straight dude. 

Bob  --
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Illegitimi non carborundum
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kennywtelejazz
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 17:58:30 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/11 03:03:43
jamesg1213
The drums beat steadily all last night but have ceased since sunrise this morning.

Privates Dunnow and Fink found the strain unbearable and showed up for sentry duty as an accordion-playing pantomime horse on a unicycle - although to their credit, still in uniform.

Alphonse brightened up the men briefly by throwing together a delightful, impromptu little breakfast of kedgeree and wild trout followed by fresh strawberries and some delightful little crepes. The men have had a whip round and bought him Fewster's "History of Military Chef's and the Great Campaigns of Wellington Before He knew anything".

I have sent 2nd Platoon out on a recce but fear the worst since for the past half-hour several empty beer cans have been flung into our lines wrapped in the men's underpants and accompanied by coarse jeering and colourful taunts.

Vicar Wilt has relinquished his kilt in favour of something from C&A and patrols the parapet with his portable gramophone playing requests to keep up the men's spirits. A popular title seems to be "Why Don't You F off You Silly Sod", but the good Vicar doesn't seem to have that one in his collection. However, the effects upon the men's morale of repeat playings of "Songs of the Male Sallowflench recorded in the Great Threshing Barn at Titmost-Under-The-Bule" are there for all to see.

I have sent Lance-Corporal Wittering on a near suicide mission to the "Blindfold and Compass" for crisps and shandy. Meanwhile Sergeant Roundnethers is bellowing nicely from the redoubt.

I ordered the men to fix bayonets, but they said they said there was no need because they weren’t broken.



 
Oh man James that was Great
 
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sharke
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 18:27:43 (permalink)
kennywtelejazz
jamesg1213
The drums beat steadily all last night but have ceased since sunrise this morning.

Privates Dunnow and Fink found the strain unbearable and showed up for sentry duty as an accordion-playing pantomime horse on a unicycle - although to their credit, still in uniform.

Alphonse brightened up the men briefly by throwing together a delightful, impromptu little breakfast of kedgeree and wild trout followed by fresh strawberries and some delightful little crepes. The men have had a whip round and bought him Fewster's "History of Military Chef's and the Great Campaigns of Wellington Before He knew anything".

I have sent 2nd Platoon out on a recce but fear the worst since for the past half-hour several empty beer cans have been flung into our lines wrapped in the men's underpants and accompanied by coarse jeering and colourful taunts.

Vicar Wilt has relinquished his kilt in favour of something from C&A and patrols the parapet with his portable gramophone playing requests to keep up the men's spirits. A popular title seems to be "Why Don't You F off You Silly Sod", but the good Vicar doesn't seem to have that one in his collection. However, the effects upon the men's morale of repeat playings of "Songs of the Male Sallowflench recorded in the Great Threshing Barn at Titmost-Under-The-Bule" are there for all to see.

I have sent Lance-Corporal Wittering on a near suicide mission to the "Blindfold and Compass" for crisps and shandy. Meanwhile Sergeant Roundnethers is bellowing nicely from the redoubt.

I ordered the men to fix bayonets, but they said they said there was no need because they weren’t broken.



 
Oh man James that was Great
 
Kenny




It reminded me of Evelyn Waugh. 

James
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#12
jamesg1213
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 18:28:29 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/11 03:04:13
kennywtelejazz
jamesg1213
The drums beat steadily all last night but have ceased since sunrise this morning.

Privates Dunnow and Fink found the strain unbearable and showed up for sentry duty as an accordion-playing pantomime horse on a unicycle - although to their credit, still in uniform.

Alphonse brightened up the men briefly by throwing together a delightful, impromptu little breakfast of kedgeree and wild trout followed by fresh strawberries and some delightful little crepes. The men have had a whip round and bought him Fewster's "History of Military Chef's and the Great Campaigns of Wellington Before He knew anything".

I have sent 2nd Platoon out on a recce but fear the worst since for the past half-hour several empty beer cans have been flung into our lines wrapped in the men's underpants and accompanied by coarse jeering and colourful taunts.

Vicar Wilt has relinquished his kilt in favour of something from C&A and patrols the parapet with his portable gramophone playing requests to keep up the men's spirits. A popular title seems to be "Why Don't You F off You Silly Sod", but the good Vicar doesn't seem to have that one in his collection. However, the effects upon the men's morale of repeat playings of "Songs of the Male Sallowflench recorded in the Great Threshing Barn at Titmost-Under-The-Bule" are there for all to see.

I have sent Lance-Corporal Wittering on a near suicide mission to the "Blindfold and Compass" for crisps and shandy. Meanwhile Sergeant Roundnethers is bellowing nicely from the redoubt.

I ordered the men to fix bayonets, but they said they said there was no need because they weren’t broken.



 
Oh man James that was Great
 
Kenny




We forded the Lamlaal River this morning beneath a hail of nose darts from the pygmies of the Inbwambwa Archipilego. Sergeant Roundnethers saw them off with a volley of wordless, purple necked invective. The outcome was never really in doubt - although I did have to order Privates Dunnow and Fink to desist from attempting to hide behind one other; the effect of which was causing them to get further and further away.

Vicar Wilt read aloud from "The Seven Dialects of Molon'gwe as spoken by the Pastoral Tribes of Western Kiswaalandtland and it's surrounding Environs" and the men strode resolutely toward our tiny foe, accompanied by Piper MacFlannel, who raised all our fighting spirits with his rousing rendition of "H'away ma Bonnie Bonnie h'away, aye h'away yon frae the Boon".

Lance Corporal Wittering did sterling work from atop the self-propelling land yacht with reversible, pneumatic corduroy and shall be mentioned in my next despatch to HRH.


 
Jyemz
 
 
 



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#13
craigb
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 18:41:16 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/11 03:04:05
I'd aim it more at the average reader now-a-days...
 
**** da ******' *******!  ****** know betta!  Yo.

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  )  
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Beepster
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 19:08:16 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby bapu 2017/03/11 17:30:48
He is Mooch. Hear him roar?
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 19:19:50 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/11 03:04:35
Mooch, create multiple versions of the same book. Draw some illustrations and charge double. In addition, you can then sell the illustrations separately. Ideal prospective customers might include mothers who have some available space on the front of their refrigerator. Sell the movie rights to a major studio and start working on your Oscar acceptance speech. 
 
Most importantly, buy a black beret. You don't always have to wear it, but it's good to have, just in case. If you buy a raspberry one, people will stop you constantly to perform their Prince impersonations. In that case, you should pretend to find it amusing. Just imagine that the other person is Bapu trying to sing like Prince, because it probably will be. 
#16
Mesh
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 19:41:57 (permalink)
I was in agreement with everything you said UB.....then there was that one comment that just struck a nerve.

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Mosvalve
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/10 20:24:19 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/11 03:04:44
BobF
eph221
BobF
As he read the carefully crafted prose, he could smell the fresh scent of apple blossoms from the trees the lion, the ghost and the dog were gathered under.


*under which the lion, the ghost, and the dog were gathered*  (better)




Could be, depending on how the narrator is being presented to the reader.  My version is intended to give the reader the impression that the narrator is a repressed, straight dude. 


he could smell the fresh scent of apple Vodka

BobV 
 
 
 
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eph221
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 01:56:09 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/11 03:04:55
craigb
I'd aim it more at the average reader now-a-days...
 
**** da ******' *******!  ****** know betta!  Yo.




Yo, you can cash me ow side how bout dah?

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eph221
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 01:57:39 (permalink)
Ok so make an award winning sentence with the word *doily*

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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 02:06:25 (permalink)
a boy stood on the burning deck a doily held for luck
when passed by a pretty girl with whom he want to
cluck like ducks on the shimmering pond in the early autumn sun
only to find out 9 months later in the oven was a bun
#21
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 02:12:33 (permalink) ☄ Helpfulby Mooch4056 2017/03/11 03:05:11
Some proven winners:
 
"It was a dark and stormy night."
 
"Suddenly, it happened!"
 
"Call me Ishmael."

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  )  
#22
Mooch4056
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 03:05:48 (permalink)
 
 
Boy - what an encourage group of friends I have! 

From Now On Call Me Conquistador! 
 
Donate to the cure Bapu Foundation
Email: mooch4056@gmail.com for more info




#23
synkrotron
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 03:30:21 (permalink)
Much talent here. I am impressed...

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#24
bapu
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 17:34:31 (permalink)
Bapu: I say, old chap, do you fancy a go at the quill this morn?
Mooch: I got your quill right here, Bpau.
Bapu: Well then, pray, hand it over old bean.
Mooch: Beans make me fart.
Bapu: <shrugs, walks away>
 

My name is Ed but I Am still bapu after all these years.
 
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#25
BobF
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/11 18:17:20 (permalink)
This is reminding me of a classic
 


Bob  --
Angels are crying because truth has died ...
Illegitimi non carborundum
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#26
eph221
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/12 20:36:04 (permalink)
just write a book, ask for a million dollars from the publisher, give the money to a friend and have them buy a million dollars worth of books.  Then you'll be at the top of all the best seller's lists and make your money from that.  You can cash me ow-zide how bow dah?

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#27
Bert Guy
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/12 20:48:24 (permalink)
Mooch4056
 
 
"Roar!" said the mean lion! "Boo" said the scary ghost. "Woof!" Said the happy dog!
 
 
See?
 
 
 
 
Whaddya think? 


 

I think you have the dialogue part of writing down.

Silence is so accurate
 
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#28
craigb
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/12 21:36:40 (permalink)
I especially enjoyed the fact that the dog is happy, it made all the difference in the world in that story. 

 Craig B. (AKA Mishikakiji!  )  
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Re: Pretty sure I can make a living as an author! 2017/03/12 21:40:07 (permalink)
craigb
I especially enjoyed the fact that the dog is happy, it made all the difference in the world in that story. 


Depends on what he was happy about.

My name is Ed but I Am still bapu after all these years.
 
I play bass because I can't dance.
 
My Studio (summary: Win 10 64bit, I7 2600K, Asus P8P67, RME UFX, FaderPort)
 
 
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Personal projects are HERE.
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