Quantize Field Recording "transients" - how?

Hi Guys,
 
I'm looking for a plugin which can take a sample and force the "transients" in it to be in time with a designated tempo, but do it automatically, without me shifting and aligning transients myself... but I'm not talking about drums loops, I'm talking more organic recordings, like field recordings.
 
I know that sounds weird, so I'll elaborate.  I want to impart "strict" rhythm to very "loose" rhythmic parts.  Say I recorded the sound of my dog barking, and I have 4 second recording (2 bars if 120bpm).  Can I process that file to shift the barks around (forward or back - but independently of each other) so that each bark moves to the closest 8th, 16th (or whatever) note at 120bpm?  Same might be said of a bird singing, or the sound of wood chopping, dropping a handful of marbles, walking on gravel etc. -  I want to effect the audio so it has a quantized "rhythm" at a tempo I designate.
 
The important thing is that I can set the tempo, the divisions and what level identifies a "transient"... but it has to be automatic.  I want to press a button and it renders the file in one step, no manual adjustments.
 
How can I do this?  How would you do this?  Is there a plugin that makes this easy?
 

Hi, thanks Kalle, I think that could be the best solution for me, though I've been looking at Melodyne as a solution too.  I haven't upgraded from X2 yet, but that might be the deal breaker for me.  I might have to live with making a few mouse clicks, that's ok.
 
Thanks for your help  :-)