Second time around

I like that "lead" instrument. What is that? A guitar with reverse, reverb, reverse on it? Or is that the Micro Synth?

Although the advice that I am able to offer is limited, I hope it's helpful.

First, I think that the vocals are a little too low. They should be right up front, but not "on top" of the music.

Also, around 1:55, and again around 2:35, that lead instrument seems a little hot. Try using an envelope to control it there. While it is very dynamic, it slightly overpowers the rythm tracks.

Just my 2 cents

-Vince

Jeff,

The reverse guitar sound should be used for accent, At the beginning like you have it now, between some of the lines. But the vocal has to be the focus, at least for the first verse.
With the busy bass and the lead instrument, all the melody space is used up. At the fade out there was a very nice guitar tone that would be beautiful behind the vocals. From my perspective, the arrangement need simplifying and more space.

Don

Ditto on most of the comments above. (I'm guessing the "reverse guitar" is the synth); it's a bit to loud in the mix for my ears. Since it doesn't really carry a melody, I would move it back in the mix.

The vocal quality sounds good and well suited to the song, but is quite pitchy in places; also adjusting the timing of the breathing might improve things as there are times it sounds like you're running out of air. There were parts of the song where things were so busy, my mind just couldn't comprehend the pattern (and I'm someone who like lots of stuff going on).

The style is cool and unique; it almost sounds more like jazz/rock to me, but I like it. The vocals with a little clean up will work great for this song. Overall, I like the song... it's definitely worth keeping.

What the others said about instruments clashing and competing for space. The song is too busy. Difficult to get into the groove of it. If you want to kepe the bass line maybe use it as a break out right after the solo section. I also found the drums to be very repetitive. That may be the effect you wanted as the melody was fine but also repetitive. I also found the hi-hat to be a little loud. Try panning the accoustic guitar a little further left away from that lead thingy too might create more space. Also put the hi-hats off a bit more to one side. There is too much in the middle.

Liked the chorus. THe dissociated synth sound was too far out of the mix for me. Might consider doubling the vocal part in some of the repetitions, maybe something an octave higher, or both an octave and two octaves higher -- replacing some of the extra attention grabbing sounds.

Hi Jeff,

so here's the critique I promised in your other thread.
It's as always very honest and never ment to be rude.
I hope, you can understand all I mean. Some things were very difficult to translate.

First thoughts:
Sounds a bit like a jam session. I'm missing a clear song structure. It tends to get boring. I was really surprised when I saw that it's only 3:40 long. It feels much longer. I'm missing some tonality, something to hang on. All instruments seem to play around the actual chord, but none hits it. Especcially in that rap section it looses tonality totally.

Drums: You seem to use a drumloop. An audio file? There are absolutely no variations. It's also all centered, just the reverb gives it a bit stereo feel. There's a bit of a flanging effect. Did you try to make it sound wide by nudging one channel a few ms?

Bass: Is this a real Bass? Is it fretless? Some notes seem to be slightly out of tune. It's much to busy. When it goes to the higher notes with all that busyness it distracts from the more important things: the main melody of your song. It needs compression and it tends to be a bit loud.

Acoustic guitar: There is some kind of permanent distortion. How did you record it? Is it recorded direct with a piezo pickup? Unfortunately it delivers very few tonality. It's also very burried. Needs compression and EQ, but I'm afraid I think you won't get it sound real good. Shouldn't be centered.

Synth effect solo guitar: Interesting effect. But overall too loud. It shouldn't be louder than the vocals. It also noodles around almost all the time and distracts from the vocals. It needs compression and maybe volume envelope. You can see in the audio editor that it's very loud at 2:30 to 2:40. Try to get it to the same volume all the time and maybe a bit quieter while you're singing. It seems to be in front if the vocals spacially. And it's the only instrument that's not centered.

Vocals: I usually don't critique vocal abilities, but you are very often slightly off tune. You also seem to have problems with the higher notes. Try to make your next song deeper so that it's in the range of notes you can sing better. Could have more high end.
Rap part: Try to be better in time. You have to hit all the beats. It also could be a bit cooler. Maybe you could achieve this with an effect, or try to double it one octave lower.

Last thoughts:
The melody of the chorus seem to be good. I also like the intro a bit. Maybe you should build your composition around a base. A bass or rhythm guitar line that reflects the chords. Then the other instruments can play around it. Here unfortunately everything play around nothing.

hth.
Melf