Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Periodically, signs bother me.  I mean, they don't include punctuation, so misunderstandings are inevitable.  Since their function is to quickly and concisely convey pertinent information, this lack of clarity would seem to indicate failure.Without the proper guidance of punctuation, normal letter and/or word spacing, or sentence structure, our brains attempt to fill in these gaps and correctly assemble the message. 

• SLOW CHILDREN - Are they telling me that it is somehow my responsibility to reduce the speed of children in this area or are they informing me that the kids on this street are not likely to win Science Fairs?   
• GENERAL PARKING AHEAD - Where do the rest of the officers park?  Who is General Parking and why are we being warned that we are approaching his position?  Is it possible that the General is parking a head?  Whose head?
• EXPECT MAJOR DELAYS - What's with all of the military personnel named in these signs?  Who is Major Delays and why should I expect him/her?  Would it be safe to assume that Major Delays is not, in fact, affiliated with the Spanish Inquisition?
• LANES NARROW AHEAD - These lanes must be more powerful (and dangerous) than I thought.  How exactly do they narrow a head?  More importantly, why are they doing it?  Is there some reason that I need to be warned that they do this?
• TRUCKS USE 2 RIGHT LANES - Could this be written as "Trucks use 2.  Right, Lanes?"  Why are trucks using 2?  2 what?  Why is the author of the sign asking the lanes if this is correct?  Are the lanes in charge here?
• STAY IN YOUR LANE - Finally!  Someone finally signed their sign!  How nice that my lane wrote me a note telling me to "Stay In".  I will.  I don't want to have my head narrowed.
• WET FLOOR - That seems somewhat unsanitary inside a grocery store.  I'm just sayin'...
• CAUTION FALLING ICE - Who is Falling Ice?  Why should they be careful?  Is it because they're falling?  If so, wouldn't the appropriate time for corrective behavior be when they were only Precariously Balanced Ice?  I mean, it's truely a little late now, isn't it?

 
 

Reminds me of the time I was in the US Marine corps.... a newly trained private in the service. I was told to report to  a certain building to get my orders. As I approached the building, the main entrance was several hundred feet further down the walkway, but I happened to see a side door very close to where I was that had a sign that read "Private Entrance" .  Very cool I thought... being a Private, I headed for the door and as I was reaching for the knob, a voice behind me said... "Marine, what are you doing using the officer's door?"  I pointed to the sign that said Private Entrance, started to explain that I was a private, and promptly got chewed out and was told to use the MAIN entrance to the building....

i AM

I feel sorry for those people.  Living on a street that's never finished.  I feel almost as sorry as I do for those people who are forced to live without electricity.  You know, the one's who live on those dead end streets marked by a sign that says, "No Outlet".  That's rough.  Somebody needs to run them an extension cord...

UbiquitousBubba


I feel sorry for those people.  Living on a street that's never finished.  I feel almost as sorry as I do for those people who are forced to live without electricity.  You know, the one's who live on those dead end streets marked by a sign that says, "No Outlet".  That's rough.  Somebody needs to run them an extension cord...

 

And what about the ones that live on a "One Way" street.  The can leave but never go home again!

 
We know how much you Americans love your traffic islands and roundabouts....
 
 

 
 
 
And the sign...
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 

I don't know why, but while this sign doesn't appear to be all that humourous hummerus funny, something about it looks strangely familiar.

 
Am I the only person here who can see a Yeti's face in that bear's arse region?
 
 
 
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You know you found the wrong book store when you arrive here

One that always gives me a snicker is a sign on storeroom doors at the retirement community where my folks live.  

They provide storage lockers for those with smaller apartments - very nice of them to do so -  the sign on the door says "TENANT STORAGE."
I know what they mean... but my English major past makes me wonder if they're keeping an extra supply of tenants for times when there are vacancies...

"Uh...Security?  Yeah.  This is Larry from Maintenance.  We had a bocce ball accident here on the south lawn.  We've got a geezer down.  There's also a busted bench and half a pink flamingo, but I can take care of that.  Can you have one of the boys pull out one of the spares from Tenant Storage and haul the corpse to Recycling?  Thanks.  Oh, could someone let me know when that's done so I can hose down the court?  I appreciate it."

UbiquitousBubba


"Uh...Security?  Yeah.  This is Larry from Maintenance.  We had a bocce ball accident here on the south lawn.  We've got a geezer down.  There's also a busted bench and half a pink flamingo, but I can take care of that.  Can you have one of the boys pull out one of the spares from Tenant Storage and haul the corpse to Recycling?  Thanks.  Oh, could someone let me know when that's done so I can hose down the court?  I appreciate it."