Somethings Wrong - Acoustic Song

Joshua, for just acoustic and voice, this song has more depth than one might expect.  Your voice has a flavor that's hard to describe, but it has plenty of passion.  You have something that you can build on here.  I can hear a number of different directions that you can go with this, and I'm sure you can, too.  I look forward to hearing more as this develops.  

Lynn;

I think in a process, I usually start acoustic and see how the vibe feels so that I can sing it over and over and think about the arrangement, melody choices, hooks, context, etc. I'm not sure what I think of this one yet. I like the undertone of the whole thing and I like how it all fits with message and emotional tone. It seems to communicate the intended message based on the melody and chord choices, so that's important to me. There are a few things I'd like to experiment with, but this is *very early in my process. The melody you hear in this particular tune is one of two I picked and I wasn't that well rehearsed, in fact, the little run at the end, just before the last chorus was an unplanned surprise. I tend to do that too much I think; which contributes to my pitchiness at times.

DLogan;

Thank you for listening. There's no real straining, however what is caught in the particular performance that will not be in future performances/recordings is an imposed larynx that at times sounds really dark, or covered but froggy. That was an accident because I was trying to really focus on pitch and keep my throat open through the passages. As you go from lower to higher, you can't really keep the larynx imposed so the timbre really changes and that may sound like straining. That could be what you hear. The other element that is in this song is that I was trying to get it done amongst a bunch frustrating annoyances, which actually helped contribute to the performance in terms of communicating emotion.

I actually wrote this song because of a story I heard two days ago.

http://b-townblog.com/2010/10/07/highline-high-gradmusician-carly-henley-found-dead-at-uw-frat-house/

I liked it too. Alot of depth in those lyrics.

Love this, wasn't sure it would be my thing to start with, but you seemed to get into a great laid back groove. Haven't heard any of your other stuff but will be checking it out.

Whack, er Cian, you're totally right. I do this to myself every time. I come up with a melody I like, then I try to record it, then I come up with something better and instead of practicing it and being sure of myself, I'm in too much of a hurry, or too sure of my unpracticed self. So - right on point sir. And, thank you very much for your compliments of my songwriting. It's much appreciated.

Stuart - thank you sir for the willingness to take a chance on my track! I know you have limited time here and I'm thankful you spent some on me!

Paulo - I think  you'd agree - in my experience, the greatest songs usually have that quality, that they sound great acoustic and in the fully produced form. I decided several months ago that rather than producing all of my tracks, I'd revert back to acoustic first and share them. If they hold up - then I'll produce. Thank you for your feedback sir!

Randall - thank you sir!

Simply stated this had lots of high point..and quite a few low points. The highs were you sound very convincing which is a huge in my mind...also when you were "on" I like the tone of your voice. The not-so-high points are the song structure never draws me in....a tad to rambling for my taste and "deal killer" for me is the vocal straining...for me it's very much like seeing a nice car...good shape, cool design, nice color....then you see it have some dents...my eyes can't get beyond the dents...and I soon become uninterested and look elsewhere. That's one thing I've always enjoyed about doing original tunes as opposed to cover tunes...so you can write tunes w/in your vocal range. Good job all the way round.

Good foundation and lyrics Joshua. IMO this song could use a "build up" style of arrangement. I like the voice/acoustic beginning, but I think you could add some other elements to keep the listener more engaged. Just a couple of ideas might be a tremolo guitar line with reverb to set it back in the field a little, or maybe a soft Fender Rhodes style keyboard line. Having these kind of additions come in after a verse or chorus can really help alot.

Your vocal performance is pretty good in alot of spots, but in others it sounds like your breath technique got away from you a bit. In a stark arrangement like this one, those things get stand out when you least want them to. I don't think this is out of your range, as much as its a technique thing that you'll get ironed out with more takes.

Randy

I agree guys. Pitch is my number one problem. I've got some sort of compensation issue and I have to sing a song a lot more times than I did this one before I'm gonna nail melody lines. I'm working on it and I don't mind you pointing it out. Trust me when I say, I'm working my ass off to nail pitch, but it's a recurrent problem. Not a hearing problem, but a mechanical one. Thank you all for your encouragement, especially you RSP, I wouldn't have even thought of an arrangement like that. I think that might be really fun to play with and certainly wouldn't take the emotion away from this song.

Thank you again guys; I'm humbled by your kind words and willingness to listen.