The God Who Wasn't There - Help Needed.

Hi everyone,

Here is a track I composed for my wife 'The God Who Wasn't There'

It's took me a long time to post this on here due to not be too happy with it. 

I'm struggling with a couple of key changes that I can't get my head around. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated from you wonderful people. 



http://soundcloud.com/mar...he-god-who-wasnt-there
Thanks
Mark

Hi Mark - I'm just wondering if it might be worth shortening the piece. I loved it up to around 3:12 and then I felt the piece started to wander, almost as if you were looking for a route to the finish but were not quite sure where the piece was going. From 3:12, it also lost that depth and vibrancy that was so excellent up to that point. I think you could delete the section from 3:12 to around 4:05 and create a much tighter piece without loosing any of the drama or depth of meaning to this lovely piece of music.

Beautiful flute melody in the opening.  This sounds like a verse.
At 1:47, the 2nd segment starts.  This too sounds like a verse.
At 2:47 you have your bridge.
At 3:10 when it modulates, I don't think the key is right.  I think that is would you pointed out.  Should it be a half step down?  Minor not major?  I am not at the piano to give you more insight.  What you selected kind of jumps out of the mood you created. 

At 3:36 you start another section.
At 4:05, is that the chorus you need?
At 4:28 it modulates.  

Since you asked, I might try the opening flute verse with the bridge at 2:47 and then into the 4:05 section just to see if there is meaningful structure there.  The modulations may need to be other songs or rekeyed.  

Sorry for getting this deep but I really love that flute melody and the section at 4:05.  Your instrumentation and production sounds really good on my system too.

All the best. 

Rimshot

I listened on the buds and throught it was excellent, but some of the lead elements seemed too loud in the mix. I thought it may just have been the buds, so I got in the studio to listen on the good phones, but I couldn't get it to play :-( I couldn't really hear/feel the bass on the buds and I wanted to. I may get a 1/4 to /1/8 adapter today so I can listen w/my good phones on my other PC.

I love the part after 3:12, and to me yes, it is the correct signature, but not sure about the very end around 4:50 with the what - bass drum perhaps there in that part.

If you went for a more traditional orchestra sound, I think it would benefit greatly from it.

The highs on the flute are just too clear: it should have some roll off to compensate for the real symphony experience.

I would do some more arrangement changes so that there are some other instrumentation coming in to support that long flute part.

From an orchestration perspective it's a little monotonous.  

Instead of always using unisons and octaves on the melody, try using some 3rds and sixths. 

The harmonic accompaniment is all strings all the time. Using a woodwind choir would be a welcome relief, maybe at the cello melody at 2:00?
Also, try changing the piano to a harp at certain points.  

This is great Mark. Not too much to change if anything. I agree that altering the harmony instrumentation at times would help...either thinning out the strings, using pizzicato at times or utilising woodwind/brass...but i love the section after 3'12, the key changes are perfect! this is just a wonderful cinematic piece.

jamesyoyo


If you went for a more traditional orchestra sound, I think it would benefit greatly from it.

The highs on the flute are just too clear: it should have some roll off to compensate for the real symphony experience.

I would do some more arrangement changes so that there are some other instrumentation coming in to support that long flute part.

+1

evadianepug


I think it needed the part after 3:12 to gel but I think it could have been a shorter intro.  The beauty of this is that it's all each person's opinion.  It always comes down to what do you like.  How did you come up with the name and how does your wife figure into it?  Of course you DON'T have to answer that. :-)   I am just curious.  I liked it Mark.

Thanks again guys. 


Getting the part at 3:12 to gel is the main problem for me. It's the first track of mine (that I know of) that changes key, and I haven't got a clue how to do it properly. 


The name of the track is a bit personal and relates to my wife being stricken with an illness, and let's just say; god wasn't there to help. 


I just want it to be good enough to play for her. at the moment, I feel it is far from it. 


Regards
Mark. 

The flute intro is very nice but seems a bit to up front.

The next section is very cool. Reminds me of The Moody Blues in that I expected some rockin' song to follow on.

Sounds like a soundtrack to me.  Very beautiful!  

Beginning sounds very luscious and beautiful.  Flute may be a bit too loud.
That instrument at 1:52 is beautiful.  What is it?  You maybe want to bring the piano up a bit there.  

2:36 - a tiny jump in the velocity of one of the winds I think.  

3:00 is especially beautiful.  


So much tension leading up to 3:30--beautiful.  The first chord in the key change doesn't exactly work for me, but it's OK.  I fiddled around with it a bit came up with Fm, Eb, A7 to Dm.  But I'm sure that's not exactly correct.   

Anyway, my goodness, this is just gorgeous.  I'm sure she'll love it just the way it is. :)