UPDATED A Dark Li'l Ditty

This one has been a real challenge to mix as it has a BUNCH of different sections. It's actually been an education all by itself. BIG ass file so crank up the broadband.

Comments on performance, production, song writing, all dat stuff. Thanks !

http://home.comcast.net/~grwy/Death_Bed_10.5m3.mp3

a bit dark...yes indeed...

solid production and musicianship...actually a pretty good tune considering its not really my genre of choice...

really well done...the guitar tones seem perfect for this song...

maybe the bass could come up a tad...maybe?

Vocals sit real well in this...nice effort!

As always, m11, I appreciate yopur feedback and will make adjustments and see how I like them.

Danke !

Very ambitious, a real magnum opus. Given how much you are attempting, maybe you'll keep working on it and won't refuse a few hopefully constructive criticisms.

Overall, the pace of musical interest was 80% or so too slow for me, though it never flagged so much that I lost interest altogether and stopped listening. At about 2 minutes, a long long held moment seemed too long by far; at about 4 minutes, the repetition of the music (a chorus?) seemed too easy, not in keeping with the ambition of the whole song; at about 8 minutes, the only place where a musical transition seemed not right at all, new music that didn't fit with the pretty economical use of music up to that point. The melody, maybe a 'verse' melody (?), was always subdivided into steady eighth notes -- after 6 or 8 minutes, I wanted to hear some rhythmic variation, some jagged rhythms here and there.

The unchanging vocal timbre palled after awhile -- it was strongest at the beginning, and never progressed, only weakened. The lyrics went too far into ... prosaic hyperbole, if that's possible: "the darkest hour the world has ever seen or ever will" .

More comments from me than usual in honor of your ambition with this -- hope you will take them positively, as they are meant.

The vocals...I can't really deal with the whisper-style at the beginning. As a male hearing another male whispering at me for a prolonged period of time really grates. The rock-out vocal, though, reminds me of Stephen Pearcy of Ratt which is A-okay because he played some large venues and made money singing.

I don't think you have too much reverb on the drums, but they're way too tinny and mixed too far back. Actually, maybe warm them up and bring them to the front. What I think can create a perception of largeness is to bring the drums up front, put the guitar behind that, and then the vocals behind that so we get the sonic perception of looking up at something (drums=ground level, guitar=mid-level, vocals=showering down from a mountain top atop it all).

But what do I know?

Thanks again everybody.

ArtyBoy - cool idea of "looking up" towards an object. Don't know if I have the production skills to do it. And least not yet.

But thats why we have this forum, right ?

hmmmmm

I really dig this........... reminds me ever so slightly of megadeth a bit.............

it is long.....kinda inspiring me to try and write an opus like thing too.

like the heavy guitar sound..........and the repeated "one last kill" lyric

keep up the good work man

cheers
Duff

Hi Everybody -

Made some changes. Lemme know what you think. Thanks !


http://home.comcast.net/~grwy/db_9.5m2.mp3

I didn't hear all of the previous versions, but I read the comments. This isn't a genre I have ever had an interest in either, so keep that in mind.

I didn't like the amount of room ambience on the drums for the first, oh, minute or so. The drums sound much, much better once things heat up. Your vocals, as others have said, are awesome. The lyrics are a little suspect (do kids eat this stuff up?). The section between about 2:30 and 5:00 seems to be repeated after the alarm clock ring. Don't think that's necessary - it was too much of the same thing the first time through. I didn't like the sudden change at 8:00.

In a broad sense, it seems like you're trying to do something vaguely along the lines of Rogers Waters writing style, but obviously in a much more agressive format. I would suggest that you step back and look at the storyboard for this piece - is every section necessary? What is it about? Does the listener understand a progression from section to section? Does each section actually have merit? Should a section BE it's own song? If this ten minute opus is the entire story - from start to end - should this be elongated and added to with extra "backgrounder" sections and interludes to form a concept album? Or, is this the big finale - the "Side B" - a long piece you end the album with (see Klaatu's "Hope" album).

If you have never sat down and really listened to a Roger Waters album - then go out and get "The Pros & Cons Of Hitchhiking" and listen intently to what he does. Or Pink Floyd's "The Final Cut" (well, that's Roger again isn't it ...?). It's ambitious what you're trying to do here, and I think worthwhile, but also imperitive to do right.

When changing themes (or sections) - there's no hurry ... slow it down a bit. The alarm clock rang for a few (7) seconds or so, and then - bam! - you went straight into another piece, but not a very loud piece. I would have rather heard some real-life daily living stuff in there (could be traffic, a river, birds, or, like Roger Waters - you're wife/girlfriend asking you if you'd like a cup of coffee - but don't do that exactly). Let the track breathe for ten, fifteen seconds and the listener re-coup from the last onslaught. Mostly (but not always) bring them gently into the next section. People will then have their favourites - and are given the time to reflect on the upcoming piece. I know the track is already 10:05 long, but it also FEELS like ten minutes - I believe adding some space will have the effect of blanketing the listener from the actual time spent listening.

I'd like you to succeed with this project. I think you have the talent, and obvious desire (considering the number of revisions you've attempted here). I'm not going to comment any further - especially with regard to the mix because I didn't think that's where the problems were. I'm glad I didn't miss this. It's not my bag, but I think it could be something.

KEv