Workplace practices of "performance objectives" and evaluation

Does your employer require you to do these? 
 
IMO these are the most ridiculous tasks that we are required to do!  We're required to make a list of what our objectives (tasks with performace objectives) are for the year and we're supposed to fill out our own evaluation of how we did on those objectives as they are complete or by the end of the year if they spill over into the next year.
 
WHY?  I thought it was my boss' job to evaluate my performance?  and I thought it was my boss' job to say what my tasks are and what I'm supposed to try to achieve for those tasks in the way of performance?
 
Why does the employee have to write his own performance objectives and evaluations?  to me this is just asenine.   
 
to me, it seems like this is simply a management "check off" on a list so that they can claim some metric to some evaluator of their business practices stating that they have ALL employees perform their objectives and have all employees' objectives evaluated. 
 
[/rant]

Yes. We have to do that too.

I agree completely with you Beagle.
I've found that it has worked great for me in the past
to have a long line of BS. Fortunately they don't understand
what or how I do the things I do so they approved.

However the program is changing this year. Now I don't know
what's happening and will have to revamp my line of BS. I'll know
more because they'll have 50 million meetings explaining what not to do.

Fortunately it's changing for those that approve mine so
more than likely they'll wait to read my BS before they submit
their BS.

Very strange.
What really helps, and may be the same where you work, is that
now I'm doing the work of three of the people that they sent
down the road...and have been for a few years. So when I say
line of BS it's enough to cover for 4 positions.

Crazy huh? They lay people off, give you their jobs and then want
you to explain what you're going to do, beside you job duties, to
warrant having you job. ??  And then threaten you with, if you don't
you won't receive your merit increase!

I went to my first meeting for the new and improved version.
Everybody left looking very confused. What they haven't come
to understand is the saying has changed....it's not, "you can't BS an old BS'er"
"it's can I copy your BS?". - didn't you get the BS memo?

I very good friend of mine that passed a few years back had
a saying that folks at work still use; "It's going to hell in a handbag buddy boy".

I thought people only did that stuff on Star Trek the Next Generation.

Michael - sounds like we're in the same boat!  I just don't even understand the logic of having ME input this information. 

bubba -
3) Don't assume that their goals and objectives must be your goals and objectives.

you would be incorrect here, sir!  not only are we required to input our own task, goals and objectives, but we are also requried to flow down management's and the company's goals and objectives and integrate those into our own objectives!  we are given a set of objectives from management to use!!!!

It all makes sense once you realize that management's ultimate goal is to make your life miserable.

Maybe I'm missing the critical piece here but to me this sounds cool...

Objective: Increase market share and revenue by 1000% minimum in 1 year.

Results: I easily achieved this goal in half the allotted time with one hand tied behind my back just to make it fair.

Therefore: my salary should be increased into the 7 digit range, with company jet, and vacation home in the Bahamas.


What's not to like about that?

oh......

UbiquitousBubba


Objectives:

1) Try not to maim anyone at work today.  - So far, so good.  We'll see how it goes after lunch.
2) Pretend to care about Company Objectives.  - Yeah.  I don't see this happening.
3) Choose a side: Mooch or Bapu.  - Maybe I'll take another stab at Objective 2 instead.
4) Exterminate all life on this miserable, insufferable planet.  - Hmm.  When did Bing become our CEO?

FANTASTIC!  Can I use those or are they copyright material?

I used to have to do that, too, back in the days when I had a real job. At first I resented it, but then I realized that I could use self-evaluations to game the system. Routine tasks could be made to sound more grandiose because I knew that whoever read these things back at Corporate wouldn't have a clue. I would make them as obtuse as possible, using lots of obscure technical terms and meaningless catchphrases. Of course even my loftiest goals were always met and exceeded.

Remember, the people who dream this sh*t up are just trying to justify their own jobs, too. Play along and everyone's happy. Just don't make it too obvious that you're messing with them.

bitflipper


I used to have to do that, too, back in the days when I had a real job. At first I resented it, but then I realized that I could use self-evaluations to game the system. Routine tasks could be made to sound more grandiose because I knew that whoever read these things back at Corporate wouldn't have a clue. I would make them as obtuse as possible, using lots of obscure technical terms and meaningless catchphrases. Of course even my loftiest goals were always met and exceeded.

Remember, the people who dream this sh*t up are just trying to justify their own jobs, too. Play along and everyone's happy. Just don't make it too obvious that you're messing with them.

right - but that's part of what bugs me.  I am CERTAIN no one from "Corporate" will ever read my objectives or my evaluations!  No one above my immediate manager will ever read them!  If the objectives aren't input into the system then someone higher than my immediate manager will get a memo with me on a list saying I haven't done my objectives and then that s*** will flow down thru my manager to me because I am not complying with company policy, but even the one who starts that flow downhill will never READ my objectives - he'll only know if they EXIST or not. 
 
and I can't really input something like bubba's list into my objectives to mess with them because, as I said, only my immediate manager reads them.  But he DOES read them and he has to make sure they are "in compliance" and "aligned" with Corporate objectives.

Beagle

bitflipper


I used to have to do that, too, back in the days when I had a real job. At first I resented it, but then I realized that I could use self-evaluations to game the system. Routine tasks could be made to sound more grandiose because I knew that whoever read these things back at Corporate wouldn't have a clue. I would make them as obtuse as possible, using lots of obscure technical terms and meaningless catchphrases. Of course even my loftiest goals were always met and exceeded.

Remember, the people who dream this sh*t up are just trying to justify their own jobs, too. Play along and everyone's happy. Just don't make it too obvious that you're messing with them.

right - but that's part of what bugs me.  I am CERTAIN no one from "Corporate" will ever read my objectives or my evaluations!  No one above my immediate manager will ever read them!  If the objectives aren't input into the system then someone higher than my immediate manager will get a memo with me on a list saying I haven't done my objectives and then that s*** will flow down thru my manager to me because I am not complying with company policy, but even the one who starts that flow downhill will never READ my objectives - he'll only know if they EXIST or not. 
 
and I can't really input something like bubba's list into my objectives to mess with them because, as I said, only my immediate manager reads them.  But he DOES read them and he has to make sure they are "in compliance" and "aligned" with Corporate objectives.

Then I'd recommend saying that you only work there because your boss is such a peach.  He'll know it's not true and wonder what you're up to, but he won't say anything 'cause he'll get that nice warm, fuzzy feeling everytime he reads it.

Beagle

bitflipper


I used to have to do that, too, back in the days when I had a real job. At first I resented it, but then I realized that I could use self-evaluations to game the system. Routine tasks could be made to sound more grandiose because I knew that whoever read these things back at Corporate wouldn't have a clue. I would make them as obtuse as possible, using lots of obscure technical terms and meaningless catchphrases. Of course even my loftiest goals were always met and exceeded.

Remember, the people who dream this sh*t up are just trying to justify their own jobs, too. Play along and everyone's happy. Just don't make it too obvious that you're messing with them.

right - but that's part of what bugs me.  I am CERTAIN no one from "Corporate" will ever read my objectives or my evaluations!  No one above my immediate manager will ever read them!  If the objectives aren't input into the system then someone higher than my immediate manager will get a memo with me on a list saying I haven't done my objectives and then that s*** will flow down thru my manager to me because I am not complying with company policy, but even the one who starts that flow downhill will never READ my objectives - he'll only know if they EXIST or not. 
 
and I can't really input something like bubba's list into my objectives to mess with them because, as I said, only my immediate manager reads them.  But he DOES read them and he has to make sure they are "in compliance" and "aligned" with Corporate objectives.

It's all about looking for ways to get rid of you, it's not about productivity or anything like that. They do these surveys to see who they can get rid of when times are tough. It goes in to your permanent file, and they have something to go back to if they ever want to fire you.

At least that's how they did it at the Fortune 500 I worked for. Despite all the mass layoffs going on now, corporations are actually afraid to fire people for fear of getting sued and that's really what this is all about.

Jonbouy


What's an employer?

life sucking leeches?

Jonbouy

bapu

Jonbouy


What's an employer?

life sucking leeches?

That's a taxman, no?

Surely they're kissin' cousins?

Yes, Reece, I've had to do this at every job I've been in. In fact, I too am in the process of doing that very thing. This is a great opportunity for your boss to tell you that you haven't been doing what the company wants you to do, yet they fail to realize that if you don't do what your doing then nobody else will do it which precludes you from being able to do what your boss feels that the company wants you to do. So you should be spending less time doing what you have to do to do what you are supposed to be doing, right?

I worked at an International Big Money making company which actually used this to keep one's rating down, so that the money (bonus's and raises etc...) got filtered to the "Cream of the Crop" to keep them happy and employed. The down side was that this was so much of a big dollar allotment game that the reviews were actually next to meaningless. It ended up not rewarding achievement, just $$$.