jamesg1213
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Would you do this?
OK. A bit of background first - my customer 'Edith' has a friend, Douglas. He's blind (not relevant, just adds to the general oddness). 30 years ago he had some terrible problem with his white blood cells and had minutes to live, so they dosed him massively with experimental steroids, which saved his life, but made him blind. There we are then. Douglas..he lives in a place called Castle Douglas..in some apartments called Douglas House (again, not relevant, but..)
So, one afternoon, I'm working away in Edith's garden and she came out. Wanted to know if I'd take her in town to get some shopping. I duly obliged, stood in the queue in the Co-Op with her trolley and handbag while she had a sit down.
On the way back we were following another customer's car.
''Ah'' I said, ''There's Mr *****, on his way home''
''Is he the funeral director?'' said Edith.
'That's right, I cut his grass''
''He must have plenty of money, driving a car like that''
I told her he had arranged my Dad's funeral, and we chatted for a bit about that, the costs, how far it was to the cemetary, etc. There was a pause, then she said;
''You didn't consider doing the transportation yourself then?''
''Umm..nooo..the thought never entered my head to be honest Edith''
''Well. We were doing Douglas' Will last night, and he doesn't want a funeral director. He wants to go to Hexham (North of England, about 100 miles from where I am). He wants a green burial. Doesn't want a hearse, he wants to go in someone's van. Would you be prepared to take him?''
I swear, I nearly drove into the ditch.
Regaining my composure, and starting to imagine an Ealing Comedy playing out in my head, I said - jokingly -
'Oh yes Edie, I'm up for that, no problem!''
''Really?'' she smiled ''That's lovely, thank you.''
**********************************************
The above was copied from an email I sent to a friend about a year ago. Since then Douglas was diagnosed with inoperable stomach cancer, and given no more than a few months to live.
Edith phoned me today, and told me Douglas died yesterday.
She wants to know if I'm up for transporting the body to the green funeral next week...
Help....
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:01:16
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I would do it. No, really, I would. Granted, I would want to ask for a few bucks for gas, but I would do it.
I would try to resist thinking about Weekend at Bernies. I would also insist on driving at normal speeds. Everybody can keep up.
I used to know someone who lived in the basement of a funeral parlor in Chicago. He lived there rent-free and the only condition was that he had to receive the bodies that were delivered during the night. I always envied him for that sweet deal. It was nice and quiet at night. I used to think, "This would be a perfect rehearsal space..."
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ampfixer
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:09:58
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You made the commitment and should do it. Your only other option is to beg off or explain that you didn't mean it. I have to say it sounds like the plot to a fine movie is developing. Maggie Smith as Edith and Benedict Cumberbatch in the role of James.
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yorolpal
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:15:35
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Yes, definitely, you should do it. Don't know about blighty but over here there's rules and regs (due to the very effective funeral home lobby) about such things. Make sure you're not getting in dutch with the law.
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jamesg1213
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:21:36
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Hang on a sec..only UBubba actually answered the question so far,
Anyone can tell me, that I should do it..leading from behind is easy.
So I'll ask again..
Would you do it?
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spacey
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:26:35
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Sorry James, I'm busy that weekend.
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jamesg1213
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:29:50
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spacey
Sorry James, I'm busy that weekend.
It's on Thursday. I'll pencil you in then?
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Old55
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:33:26
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I probably would for a close friend if laws allow it. I don't think I would for someone I don't know so well. I might rent something so as not to have the death associated with my vehicle.
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spacey
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:35:37
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jamesg1213
spacey
Sorry James, I'm busy that weekend.
It's on Thursday. I'll pencil you in then?
LOL....I'll be out of town Thursday.....and everyday. Sorry. James, if I may.... get some big nails and wheel barrow type wheels and nail them to the coffin and drag it to the service. They probably won't ask for your help again.
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Randy P
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 13:40:38
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I would, but I'm dead tired
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 14:32:34
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☄ Helpfulby Mesh 2014/03/06 14:34:49
Never mind the minor questions. Here are the important ones. - Will there be food at the gig?
- Will there be roadies to help with the load-in?
- Is there any part of the scheduled activities that might involve a catapult? (Note: if so, this could trump all other considerations)
- Is there any chance during the ceremonies that, upon spontaneous request, someone might actually play Freebird?
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Mesh
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 14:35:39
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I wouldn't.
It's above my paygrade.
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Starise
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 14:51:43
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At least it's above grade.
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craigb
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 15:51:19
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Sometimes, what you step in stays on your shoe for a long time... (Don't know if that statement has anything to do with your situation James, but I've been dying to say it. )
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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paulo
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 16:10:14
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jamesg1213
Hang on a sec..only UBubba actually answered the question so far,
Anyone can tell me, that I should do it..leading from behind is easy.
So I'll ask again..
Would you do it?
No. But, I wouldn't have said that I would. ;)
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bapu
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 16:54:15
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I would but
1. my van would be too costly to ship
2. its made to drive on the other side of the road
3. you'd probably make me rechord sum trax, that's the real pressure in all this
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bapu
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 16:54:52
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If it was bag of dead cats, Straummy would do it.
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craigb
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 16:59:45
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Do you get to keep Doug's shovel?
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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timidi
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 17:50:38
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Is he in a box or something ? Airtight??
Who digs?
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yorolpal
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/06 19:27:11
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You betcha...and twice on Sundays. If ol Douglas wouldnt have minded bein carted in the back of a pickup with a couple of yappin dogs. Absolutely.
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Wookiee
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 09:58:17
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Yes James I would do it. Though I would check the legalities.
If you need the moral support?
(Though it would be about a 330 mile trip one way for me just to get to Hexham)
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
Karma has a way of finding its own way home.
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jamesg1213
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:03:15
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Had a chat with a funeral director this morning, and decided against it, not least because of the (apparently) huge amount of paperwork involved, including getting permission from the coroner to move a body from Scotland into England, and getting insurance cover.
Edith was fine about it, she fully realized we were half-joking about it a year ago, and has a back-up plan. I hope it goes well.
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Mesh
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:12:22
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jamesg1213
Had a chat with a funeral director this morning, and decided against it, not least because of the (apparently) huge amount of paperwork involved, including getting permission from the coroner to move a body from Scotland into England, and getting insurance cover.
Edith was fine about it, she fully realized we were half-joking about it a year ago, and has a back-up plan. I hope it goes well.
They require insurance coverage?? For what?
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quantumeffect
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:18:36
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I am glad that you gave it serious consideration.
I play with a bass player (on Wednesday evenings for a youth group) who is a part time funeral director.
He has some of the funniest stories ...
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Starise
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:21:56
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Glad it worked out ok in the end James.
I know a family here in my area who have been in the funeral biz for at least three genrations. Can't say I've ever heard a story like that one.
I understand why there are rules regarding the burying of the dead, but as long as they get there why does it matter how?
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UbiquitousBubba
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:23:33
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Did you see the question I asked about the catapult, Starise?
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Karyn
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:25:38
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You could prop him up in the front seat, stick a can of lager in his hand and I'm sure the border guards wouldn't notice anything wrong.
I would do it, but I'm busy on Thursdays... errrrmmm... CH, yes, that's it. I have to go to the CH on Thursdays... otherwise... well maybe next time...
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jamesg1213
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:37:05
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Mesh
jamesg1213
Had a chat with a funeral director this morning, and decided against it, not least because of the (apparently) huge amount of paperwork involved, including getting permission from the coroner to move a body from Scotland into England, and getting insurance cover.
Edith was fine about it, she fully realized we were half-joking about it a year ago, and has a back-up plan. I hope it goes well.
They require insurance coverage?? For what?
I'm a gardener. My van insurance doesn't cover 'cadavers' in the items I'm allowed to carry.
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Starise
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:40:32
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craigb
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Re: Would you do this?
2014/03/07 10:41:25
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Pick him up, drive him to your nearest client, dig a hole and plant him. *Pfft...* Simples!
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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