craigb
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You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, "Are you really going to let him get away with this?" "No, I guess not," says God. The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one. Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, "Why did you let him do that?" To this God says, "Who's he going to tell?" 
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Old55
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 00:58:52
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Should auld acquaintance be forgot--hey, who the hell are you guys? X2(X3 pending hardware upgrade), Emulator X2, E-mu 1212M, Virtual String Machine
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daryl1968
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 07:29:07
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ProjectM
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 07:34:24
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(Sonar Platinum - Win10 x64) - iMac and 13" MacBook - Logic Pro X ++ - UA Apollo Twin DUO - NI Maschine MKII - NI Komplete Kontrol S61 - Novation Nocturne - KRK Rokit 6 SoundcloudNegative Vibe Records
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trimph1
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 07:47:57
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The space you have will always be exceeded in direct proportion to the amount of stuff you have...Thornton's Postulate. Bushpianos
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Karyn
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 07:52:03
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Mekashi Futo. Get 10% off all Waves plugins.Current DAW. i7-950, Gigabyte EX58-UD5, 12Gb RAM, 1Tb SSD, 2x2Tb HDD, nVidia GTX 260, Antec 1000W psu, Win7 64bit, Studio 192, Digimax FS, KRK RP8G2, Sonar Platinum
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Ham N Egz
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 07:54:10
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Green Acres is the place to be I dont twitter, facebook, snapchat, instagram,linkedin,tumble,pinterest,flick, blah blah,lets have an old fashioned conversation!
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 07:58:15
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People are making Rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow.
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:02:36
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God is talking to one of his angels. He says, "Wow, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
"What are you going to do now?" asks the angel.
"I think I'm going to call it a day" says God.
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:06:27
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carol's."
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reache [...]
Reveal the rest of this joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carol's."
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:09:51
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Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"
Priest: "No, not if you did not know."
Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:11:39
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A pastor was hiking in the woods when a grizzly bear stepped into his path. The bear stopped, growled, raised up on his back legs, and his mouth began salivating.
"Oh, God, PLEASE!" the pastor prayed, "Let this be a Christian bear."
A placid look came over the bear and the bear dropped to his knees....
The bear said, "Dear, Lord. I thank you for the bountiful feast you have set before me..."
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:13:23
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In front of the congregation the minister high up in his pulpit produced two glasses.
In to both he placed two worms.
In one glass he poured water and into the other he poured whisky.
In the water glass, the worm swam about quite happily.
In the whisky glass, the worm wriggled for a short while then died.
"Now, members of the congregation, can you tell me what this means?"
A voice echoed from the rear of the Church.
"If you drink whisky, you won't get worms!"
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Ham N Egz
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:46:34
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So. the Pope walks into Mooches bar with a duck under his arm...
Green Acres is the place to be I dont twitter, facebook, snapchat, instagram,linkedin,tumble,pinterest,flick, blah blah,lets have an old fashioned conversation!
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Karyn
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:53:43
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Mekashi Futo. Get 10% off all Waves plugins.Current DAW. i7-950, Gigabyte EX58-UD5, 12Gb RAM, 1Tb SSD, 2x2Tb HDD, nVidia GTX 260, Antec 1000W psu, Win7 64bit, Studio 192, Digimax FS, KRK RP8G2, Sonar Platinum
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Mesh
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 08:57:27
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It's not what it's quacked up to be.
Platinum Gaming DAW: AsRock Z77 Overclock FormulaI7 3770k @ 4.5GHz : 16GB RAM G.Skill Ripjaws X 250GB OS SSD : 3TB HDD : 1TB Sample HDDWin 10 Pro x 64 : NH-D14 CPU Cooler HIS IceQ 2GB HD 7870Focusrite Scarlett 2i4The_Forum_Monkeys
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Ham N Egz
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 09:17:33
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Karyn
Why a duck?
Cause. he was roman around town at the time?
Green Acres is the place to be I dont twitter, facebook, snapchat, instagram,linkedin,tumble,pinterest,flick, blah blah,lets have an old fashioned conversation!
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trimph1
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 16:23:39
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On that note I'll duck out of here...
The space you have will always be exceeded in direct proportion to the amount of stuff you have...Thornton's Postulate. Bushpianos
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Old55
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 16:31:44
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SteveStrummerUK
People are making Rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow.
So, two VCO's walk into Bapu's bar...Oh, I guess you aren't talking about the synth that's included with Sonar.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot--hey, who the hell are you guys? X2(X3 pending hardware upgrade), Emulator X2, E-mu 1212M, Virtual String Machine
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craigb
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 18:37:59
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SteveStrummerUK
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carol's."
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reache [...]
Reveal the rest of this joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carol's."
You really buggered that one up didn't ya?
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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Wuzzystuffykinz
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 19:49:06
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Zo
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/29 20:55:04
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what's carol' ?
Not religious but i quite like it :
Two friends speaking , one to the other :
"imagine you're in kenya and a Lion is trying to catch you , what would you do ?"
Answer : "Well , i 'll take my gun and shoot him !!"
"But imagine you have no gun !!"
A: " i take my knife , and try to kill him when he will attack !!"
"But you have no knife"
A ":i atke mthe cars and escape"
"You have no Car !!!"
The guy starts to stress : " i run run run and jump and escalade a tree !!"
"But man , there's no tree , it's pure savana !!"
The guy replies upset : " Man , are you my friend or the Lion 's one !!"
For sale (PM me) : transfert ilok includedEventide Ultrachannel make offersSoftube Summit EQIK Neve 1081 , Neve precision Comp/LimEastWest GoshtwriterSoundforge Pro 12
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RabbitSeason
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/30 10:14:36
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Three men, recently deceased, appear before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asks each man to tell how they died.
Man # 1 - I'm sorry Saint Peter, but I really thought my wife was having an affair. I surprised her by coming home in the middle of the day, to our high rise apartment. There she was, half-dressed in our bed. Our balcony doors were open, and there, hanging by his fingers from the railing, was her boyfriend, wearing only a pair of shorts. In my rage, I grabbed the refrigerator, threw it at the boyfriend, making him fall to his death.
I was so upset with what I had done, I jumped to my death.
Man # 2 - I was working out on my balcony, like I always do. During my exercise routine, I slipped and fell over the edge, but I was able to grab the next balcony down. Before I could ask for help, the husband threw a refrigerator at me, making me fall to my death.
Man # 3 - Picture this: I'm naked, hiding in the refrigerator . . .
Computer: 2.5 GHz Core2Quad, 6GB, Windows 7 Home Premium, Sonar X1d, Edirol UA-25 Instruments: Carvin 5-string bass, Ovation Acoustic, Parker P-38, Baldwin DG100 keyboard, Vito alto sax Toys: POD 2.0, Zoom RFX-1000
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Moshkiae
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Re:You don't need to be religious to get a laugh out of this one
2012/05/31 16:17:33
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Hi, The best one about priests and God, is in the end of the original Peter Cook and Dudley Moore film "Bedazzled" ... yes the original! "... I thought up the 7 deadly sins in one night ... don't rub it in Stanley, I've lost my spark ... the latest I've come up with was advertising ... " And when he does a magnanimous gesture that wasn't selfish he went back to Saint Peter who snuffed him out and got him mad And you should look outside the window or a newspaper ... anything different?! And all this was in 1968 folks ... if you have never seen it, you will never have a chance of getting a night on the town with Alfred Hitchcock! With Bapu in tow!
post edited by Moshkiae - 2012/05/31 16:22:16
As a wise Guy once stated from his holy chapala ... none of the hits, none of the time ... prevents you from becoming just another turkey in the middle of all the other turkeys!
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