another tune. feedback and suggestions appreciated!

I think I need to learn to use my microphone better. It's a reasonably decent mic (shure ksm27) and sometimes I think I got it right, but I still get a lot of mouth noises (clicks and pops), hissing S's and F's, stuff like that. And I can't tell you how many times the dog started barking or the furnace kicked in halfway through a take. The dog is sweet, but she can't sing for crap.
 
Anyway, on to the opera...
 
https://soundcloud.com/wardcheese/gone-insane-1

Wookie, thanks for the thoughts regarding mix. That's exactly what I need. I get lost in the tweaking and lose all my objectivity.
 
Gus, awesome link! I'm there! And thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you dug it.
 
Warren, actually I did ask for your suggestion, and thanks for putting it out there. It is true, this song is pretty dark, and many of my songs tend to move in that direction. You're also correct that a song like this works for me because it has its roots in my life. This may not be my current, daily reality, but it is a place I have visited. Song writing and poetry for me are kind of a combination of method acting and psychotherapy. Like method acting, I need to pull real emotions out of my own life and invest them in whatever song I am working on. Like psychotherapy, I am driven to write songs because I have to get s**t off my chest. (Who goes to see a therapist because they're happy all the time?) If you need a tall, cool glass of hope after you listen to one of my songs, I can at least offer you this: After all these years, I am still writing and have not yet taken my seat on the ground on top of the hill, leaning back against a tree...
 
w

Thank you Freddy. Really appreciate the encouragement.
 
And I jumped right on that link! Thanks!

Thanks Tom. Very much appreciated. I was careful to throw in a few extra chords, just for you.

That is some of the best lyrics I have seen /heard in a long time. You have a way with words and ideas. I think if you repeated your chorus again( Where it talks about In Love with You but I've gone insane) it would make the song stronger. The music could use some tightening up seems to me timing wise but it is still good. IMO the song is certainly worth your best effort. I really like it.

This rocks in that quirky way that takes a second to kick in. It's not typical, but the first line makes you take notice. The lyrics kick all kinds of ass  and the matter of fact but laid back delivery combined with music that compliments despite not feeling like it should at first (if that makes any sense).  I really enjoyed this.  i think the mix needs a bit of "glue" to kind of bring it together, but that's just nitpicking.  in fact, when i listened i just assumed you were just going in a non-traditional direction with the mixing on purpose .  Awesome song.

Just listened to the last version...  it certainly is a different song, with a cool retro-ish dreamy feel.  Good song.
 
Mix-wise, for me the bass wasn't strong enough, and the drums were too repetitive and a bit thing.  For me this seems like a "band" song so I'm listening from that perspective.   Love the little downward bend at the end.   
 

I listened to version 2 on my little computer speakers, and I will try to hear it again in my studio....  I like the performances, the instruments were played very well I think.  Definitely a Dylanesque feel to the vox but I think it works for you.
 
On these speakers, I think I hear instruments (and background vox) that are barely audible.  It would nice to hear them better.  I don't think the snare drum fit the tune.  Maybe one a little lower pitched and darker might fit better?  I actually heard no bass on these speakers.  I'm not big into suicide, but they are definitely interesting lyrics.
 
Overall a pretty cool tune.  Work on the mix a bit and experiment with some of the ProChannel tools to see what else you can coax out of it!  Just MHO.  :-)

Guitarhacker
Song not available.....

There's a different link further down the thread...
 
Dan
 

OK...  it's a smooth production.  The groove and chords struck me as strangely disconnected from the lyrical topic... maybe that's just me..
 
I really like the singing tone of the lead guitar.
 
The bass is way to light in this mix.

Well, I went all around behind the barn making changes to this and that, but at this point I've lost the ability to tell if I'm improving or just fiddling with knobs. I'll assume that is my inexperience poking me in the eye. 
 
https://soundcloud.com/wardcheese/gone-insane-3
 
At this point, I messed with the drums a bit, got a fatter snare and played with the eq on the kick and bass so try to differentiate a bit between the two. I also tried to just simplify the drums a little bit. And I tried to pull the background vocals a little closer in to make them just a shade more apparent. 
 
Guitarhacker Herb: The groove and chords struck me as strangely disconnected from the lyrical topic... maybe that's just me..
 
That was a really interesting observation. I don't know where to go with it, but it is making me ponder. I guess I was hearing the music as sliding into a gentle melancholy but, like you said, maybe that's just me. 
 
DCumpian Dan: I think your bass should be narrowed to center and mixed better with the kick. The wide bass just gets lost.
 
Thanks for the listen, Dan. I really admire your work. I sort of hear what you are describing, the wide bass, but I think I still need more ear training. I'm not really sure how to intervene though. The bass is pretty much just out-of-the-box (Dim. Pro). Maybe there is a setting in Dimension Pro, s stereo that could be flipped to mono... I'll mess with it some more.
 
Awes: Thanks man! I really like your stuff too!
 
Anyway, thanks everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. Maybe one day I'll write a happy song.