Pete's friend came round for dinner and saw Pete in the kitchen, pointing a video camera at an oven-ready Lasagna.
'What are you doing Pete?'
''Preparing dinner of course'' said Pete testily. ''It says on the packet, '
remove cardboard sleeve and film lid'''
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Pete got a decorating job at a posh house and was asked to paint the porch.
After an hour he went to the owner to ask for payment.
''Finished already? That was quick''
''Yes'' said Pete proudly. ''Except, it wasn't a Porche, it was a Mercedes''