We need to return to gentlemen wearing braces to keep their plus-fours up.
And correctly parted hair.
And spats.
And bow-ties that don't revolve in a comedic manner.
And proper undershreddies. The sort of man-kecks that are large enough to camp in, should an emergency arise. They allow the correct convection currents to circulate in the nut-sack area. It has been conclusively proved by the Scots that a well ventilated area for the love-spuds to nestle in helps maintain composure and dignity at all times. Especially when chomping ones way through a haggis or sword dancing the noo.
And manners. Bring back 'please' and 'thank you'. And not 'fank you'. It's spelt with a 'th', not a 'f'. I blame David Beckham for all this laziness in pronunciation. Mind you, he did agree with me on one thing. That keeping one's gonads away from clammy, humid and moist conditions is good for the soul. Mind you, he did look a bit of a volley 'n lob in a sari.
And hats....
Nobody wears a trilby anymore. It's been proved by the Scots that you lose 128% of your body heat through your head. That's why you never see a Scotsman wearing a balaclava helmet. Even though the temperature in Scotlandshire never gets much above freezing....... indoors.
A typical highland conversation:
"Hoots mon 'tis a wee bit nippy oot McDonald."
"Aye McTaffish, an' iff'n ye don't put it away you'll get yerself arrested, and go doon wi' a dose of varicose penis ta boot."
"Och aye."