Hello, this is rendition 2 of Sometimes, with velva
 
http://www.soundclick.com...ngid=13613746&q=hi
 
I took to heart all the previous comment, and have tried to interpret the into this mix.
 
Please let me know how the mix is.  I am deaf in my right ear, so I wanted to post a mono mix, because it sounded so cool. 
 
Also, velva told me that the only way she would work with me is if she could sing my songs the way she wanted too.  After many listens I have come to love her phrasing, and now I say, woman, you sing how ever you feel.
 
I have to tell you though, I like to have everything right up front, like into your grill, so hopefully this is that. Maybe to much reverb.
 
what say you
 
Peace

Yeah, the woman should be able to sing any way she wants with a voice like that, really nice tone and phrasing. She's got some skill. I like the instrumentation, drums are nice and expressive and I love the ending. All  in all a very strong tune, Jesse!
 
I don't hear too much reverb in the vocal part at least. I know you like the vocals right up front, but I would personally drop the vocals back a bit to allow them to become more a part of the overall harmony. Other than that, I really like what you've done here.
 
This is a really strong showing, nice work.

kevinwal
 
I don't hear too much reverb in the vocal part at least. I know you like the vocals right up front, but I would personally drop the vocals back a bit to allow them to become more a part of the overall harmony. Other than that, I really like what you've done here.
 

Hello KW, thanks for the critique.  I probably did push her vocals a little to much, but she sounds so fine that I just can't help myself.  I will take your comments to heart.
 
I will probably put this through a few more mixes, just to tweak some stuff.  I am hoping more people chime in with critiques to help make the song better; two heads are better than one.  Besides, this is not my typical fare, I will really spend more time with this than I usually do, because I do believe it is very good, but of course, could be better. 
 
Thanks
 
Jesse Q Screed

Jesse Screed

kevinwal
 
I don't hear too much reverb in the vocal part at least. I know you like the vocals right up front, but I would personally drop the vocals back a bit to allow them to become more a part of the overall harmony. Other than that, I really like what you've done here.
 

Hello KW, thanks for the critique.  I probably did push her vocals a little to much, but she sounds so fine that I just can't help myself.  I will take your comments to heart.
 
I will probably put this through a few more mixes, just to tweak some stuff.  I am hoping more people chime in with critiques to help make the song better; two heads are better than one.  Besides, this is not my typical fare, I will really spend more time with this than I usually do, because I do believe it is very good, but of course, could be better. 
 
Thanks
 
Jesse Q Screed

 
When you have such a good vocal track it's tempting to let it just carry the day. A great performance absolves a great many sins, for sure. It's easy to forget that the vocal lines are also a part of the overall harmony of the song and you lose something when they bury everything else. It's a tradeoff like every damned thing else in life. 
 
Yes, I think it's very good!

Jesse - this is great!  the vocalist is really good! 
 
the drums sound a little muddy to me and I'd try to bring them some more clarity and definition.  bring that kick out - it's pretty dull sounding. snare isn't bad, toms are muddy and a little dull.
 
strings sound really good, you've got plucking, tremolo, legato, really good.
 
rhodes...man you've got a lot of stuff in here!
 
that string swell and decrescendo at the end sounds a little "forced" to me.  I'd back it down some and let it breathe a little more and not be so much "in your face" at the end.
 
just my suggestions.  use 'em or dump em!

beagle, I replied to your post, in depth, but it did not take, weird forum software you know what I mean.
 
everything you say is true, thank you, I will follow your advice.
 
JQS

OK Jesse , She is good as a singer , but she also needs to learn how to serve the song
She did a nice 2 verses but her first half of the chorus? was very weak .
Also she gets very pitch'y on most of the last held notes of a phrase ...
She is only on about 65 % of the time in the  song IMHO ...whether she thinks it or not She Can Do Better
Now if you decide that she gets to run the show fine ...
I suspect she may not even be aware of most of what I have just mentioned
If this is what you have to work with you still have a lot ...I feel Kevin is right ..she is way to loud for the track.
You need to reel her in for the songs mix to sound good .
You have nice musical parts taking place through out  the song , I feel some of them can be mixed and highlighted and accentuated more ...It would tighten up the arrangement of the song and make it more cohesive ...
BTW, After your held synth notes at the very end of the song you left an extra min of blank space ...
 
anyway I'm not looking to be critical here it may sound that way to you but I'm not ...
I have a long standing rule that if anything annoys me for any reason in any song that I do it needs to be addressed before the song moves on  ...every so often something may slip through and I may not catch it ...
A big reason why I use a SoundCloud paid acct ...to put up a new mix and not loose the links and listens ...
 
For the record I do think your song is pretty nice . I prefer this to a lot of your other music ...
I hope this singer will bend a little bit for you ...You 2 do sound very good together...it may just be growing pains
 
all the best,
 
Kenny

kennywtelejazz
OK Jesse , She is good as a singer , but she also needs to learn how to serve the song
She did a nice 2 verses but her first half of the chorus? was very weak .
Also she gets very pitch'y on most of the last held notes of a phrase ...
She is only on about 65 % of the time in the  song IMHO ...whether she thinks it or not She Can Do Better
Now if you decide that she gets to run the show fine ...
I suspect she may not even be aware of most of what I have just mentioned
 
all the best,
 
Kenny

Hey Kenny, I will share your comments with her.  Maybe that will set her straight.  I have not asked her what she is aware of because I have not spoken to her since the recording. 
 
 
Jesse Q. Screed
 

Jesse Screed

kennywtelejazz
OK Jesse , She is good as a singer , but she also needs to learn how to serve the song
She did a nice 2 verses but her first half of the chorus? was very weak .
Also she gets very pitch'y on most of the last held notes of a phrase ...
She is only on about 65 % of the time in the  song IMHO ...whether she thinks it or not She Can Do Better
Now if you decide that she gets to run the show fine ...
I suspect she may not even be aware of most of what I have just mentioned
 
all the best,
 
Kenny

Hey Kenny, I will share your comments with her.  Maybe that will set her straight.  I have not asked her what she is aware of because I have not spoken to her since the recording. 
 
 
Jesse Q. Screed
 

That's cool Jesse , tread lightly ...it can be a super win win for the both of you if your both willing to keep at it 
 
Kenny

Had a read whilst listening to this Jesse, good song and she has a nice voice, lots of sound advice on the mix given above so I will not reiterate it as I am hearing the same.  Will keep the furry ears out for the the remix, thanks for sharing.