I've bought Heather Mills a new prosthetic leg for Christmas...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Its not her main present though, just a stocking filler.
 
 
 

A guilt-ridden chortle.

Somebody actually bought her a plane I hear.
 
And some Immac for the other leg.

I'm thinking considering my personal physical condition and my penchant for attractive ladies I need to find myself a good looking stumper. 

It's my only hope.

Just think - the poor homeless guy who sits outside my local railway station doesn't know what it's like to have a full tummy on Christmas Day.


But he will do next Tuesday, and all thanks to generous ol' Straummy....


I'm gonna go down there and tell him.

A DJ I used to listen to was discussing her and Paul Macaw years ago, and the DJ couldn't remember her name. One of the engineers in the background said "stumpy the golddigger". I nearly drove off the road laughing.

I always buy petrol-soaked fake moustaches for my mates at Christmas....



It's such a joy to watch their faces light up.
 

Beepster


I'm thinking considering my personal physical condition and my penchant for attractive ladies I need to find myself a good looking stumper. 

It's my only hope.

Get a water tight pre-nup.
 
Unless she's better off than you that is, then you have to make sure she doesn't take my advice.

I don't know why Heather Mills wanted all that money when she got divorced from Macca...




She only ended up spending it on handbags and shoe.

 
I went to a charity darts match last night, Heather Mills v Jake The Peg.
 
 
 
 
Heather lost by three legs to one.