Sorry to hear that your day isn't going well Jubilee. I tend to agree with Mesh on what men say sometimes. In general we say the worst things to the people closest to us. I wish it wasn't that way. Never could understand why we vent frustrations and say things to those we love the most,seems it should go the other way around.

 This week I was on the recieving end of a misunderstanding but I have also been on the other side of it and said the wrong things. I am a pretty vocal person when something bothers me and I usually try and get all of the "mess' out in the open and solved instead of holding a grudge. The pot boils and then cools down for me. I feel better afterwards. I know other people are different.

 The implication that you do nothing would offend anyone and I'll bet it is a pretty common thing with couples having one working and the other home. It is all too easy to come home and think from outward observations that nothing much has happened. I think a little bit of it also has to do with an underlying desire from the other person to also be at home and not working. They might not admit that but in many cases I think this is true. A little resentment as a result of that.....but what do I know lol.

 Hope tomorrow is better.

Get kid #1 to do the dishes, wash the car and mow the lawn.

Gives you time to do sum muzak 2day.

julibee

Mesh


My good lady is a stay home mom (by choice) and I tell her that I could never be able to do 1/2 the things she does nor do it that well. Of course, we have 3 wittle ones under 6 and think it's a Blessing for MOM to actually bring up/guide/take part in our childrens lives. 

Sometimes (in my case most of the time), us men just blurt out things without the slightest thought or of the consequences and then generally learn to regret what we've said, but then again, our species are a work in progress. 


   

Generally speaking, he is supportive of my stay at home life-- in fact, as much as he would like to believe otherwise (he is very liberal on the ideas of equality, etc) he would like me to be even more Donna Reed-like, but that isn't who I am. I am to a point.  A very fine point.  I am more than happy to be super mom.  And I relish it when I get to make costumes, paint bedrooms, do creative things with the kids, etc (that's what I'm really good at), but I also have to have my own thing, too.  I see him off to work each day, and while I have no desire to rejoin a traditional workforce, I am jealous of his life outside.  I do miss that.  I feel like everything I do revolves around four walls and four people.  Pretty small.

He is extremely helpful... Loads the dishwasher after I've made dinner, he often does the laundry and vacuums for me, etc.  He is not a bum.




But yeah.  Insensitive sometimes. 

Truly understandable.
 
What has worked for us is that Saturdays are for whatever she likes to do that day (she generally loves going to Farmers Markets) and we all just go with the flow.
 
Julibee, I vote for you having a "special day(s)" to do as you please!!  

I don't feel sorry for you Julibee.
I admire you and all stay-at-home mothers.
And the love between kids and moms...unreal...nothing
in the world like the love between a mom and her kids.

Now the Doc....I think he deserves space and allowed to say
something dumb every now and then. Just imagining ...and I can't really, the
things that he has to deal with at work.

We all know it doesn't take very long and those little ones aren't stay
at home and everything changes. It's a great ride even with the little
bumps.

Smile lady.

Well you gave him kids and I'd imagine the house is kept up a lot better than he'd be able to do on his own, someone's around to deal with kid emergencies, let in maintenance people, handle bills, answer the phone, etc. Do you do groceries? Cook? Make sure he has underwear that isn't from Reagan administration? 

Make a list of all the things you do... not to toss at him but to remind yourself of your own value. It's easy to lose sight of ones worth without a "traditional" job but stay at home mom's and homemakers were considered imperative to a functioning, stable family for most of history. I know many people these days think they can juggle it all but IMO not having at least one parent (mom or dad) in the home to keep an eye on things doesn't necessarily cheat the kids but it certainly doesn't help them.

I was a latchkey kid and I got into all SORTS of craziness and was probably malnourished because there just wasn't any proper food around... not for lack of funds but nobody was shopping or cooking. I had to take care of my baby brother for hours every day and I was just a little kid myself. If I hadn't started playing guitar I probably would have gotten into a gang or something stupid. It's even HARDER to keep kids straight these days too.

So unless you're Peggy Bundy or something (which I doubt) playing the matriarchal role is crucial not only for your own family but for society as a whole. Also the fact you create music in your downtime is far more laudable than watching soaps or talk shows like many stay at home parents do (and there isn't anything wrong with that either because without a break you'd burn out). Besides you might end up with a hit song and end up bringing in more cash than he does. 

You have every right to be disappointed your plans for the day got skewed. If you flipped out on him or outright neglected the responsibility then his sentiments might be warranted but sounds to me like he's just falling into the classic bread winner mentality that his time is worth more because there is a dollar amount attached to it. It's easy to get stuck in that mindset but if he's reasonable he might already have realized that line of though is flawed. Maybe you'll get some flowers when he gets home... if he has any clue what he's doing anyway.

;-)

Women are from Venus

and men live in a cave...

sometimes we say stuff that we think comes out right,,(to us, anyway)

Man, is it nice to have friends.  A sincere thank you for making this temporarily de-railed momma–singer smile.  I feel better now. 

I was going to comment.... but decided to keep it to myself.... well that comment anyway..... not this>>>> 

I have learned to do that after all this time I have lived with my wife (30+ years) ...and of course for the past 20 years with 2 daughters in the mix as well.... sometimes it's best just to not say anything......

Even so, I have said things that I regretted and had to apologize for immediately, or soon threafter..... I could tell from the way they looked that they didn't understand it like my male brain meant it.....

I have always tried to be appreciative of the things my wife did for us. And when we had the girls, she was a stay at home mom and took classes in the evenings and weekends working on a degree. I did the things that needed to be done when she wasn't here and that really made me appreciate all that she did on a daily basis. It also helped me to bond with my daughters in a way that has kept us very close as a family over the years. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

Thats my story and I'm sticking to it. 

Strange coincidence that you post this today. After a bit more than a month off, rehearsals for the show start today, so my wife is going back to work. And I, well...

When I first met her, I had a fairly decent job and I was the one w/ the steady income, whereas she was having a rather tough year, in between contracts and all. 

When she signed w/ Cirque, I tried all I could to keep my job as a telecommuter (I was already working remotely) but there were cuts to be made and they used that as an excuse to let me go.
 
There was just no way that we'd be separated for such extended periods of time, so...

Anyway, I find myself in a situation where I cannot legally work here in the US. So I usually refer to myself as a "houseband" - mix of housewife, husband, and, well, house band.

I do all the "housewife" stuff so that she can be 100% focused on the show and doesn't have to worry about a thing - and I actually enjoy it (though washing and taking care of ladies clothes can be a nightmare when you're just a guy). lol 

Then I write music for her next album the rest of the time.

Of course, it is a dream come true to be able to just work on music. But it's not like I'm entirely comfortable w/ my situation either. I used to always buy her little presents and take her out and such - those were the things that motivated me to go through the day at work - to be able to spoil her and to take care of everything.

Fortunately, unlike Bub, I have the best in-laws in the world. They know that I'm not a freeloader, and that we're only taking turns. And it's not like I'm just sitting on my ass either. They know we're working on music, they know that she always walk into a clean house, that I take care of the meals and all and that I never missed a single night walking up to Radio City to walk her home after work, so that she's safe and all.

And my wife herself always introduce me as "a musician/songwriter", which helps the ego.

I'm currently waiting and crossing my fingers for a possible contract w/ someone ready to push to get my visa modified so that I can legally work here. Studio work, which would be insanely sweet per se, and provide me w/ a bit of cash to spoil her again, while allowing me to keep up w/ the housewife activities.

You're allowed to rant, Jules.  We're here to listen.