yorolpal
I'd give him an "extreme makeover" while he was away...possibly on 3 or 4 Ambiens. He would awaken with real actual "moobs" and bridgework...possibly dental implants...in a frilly "almost but not quite see through" blouse and begin to call himself/herself (??????) Barpu...or perhaps, simply Bar. He'd (or She'd) audition on "The Voice" but no one would press their buzzer and he...or she...would cry an run off stage. America...however...would come, via electronic vote to his/her rescue and he/she would be vindicated and awarded a record contract which would result in a debut album roundly panned by almost all critics (even Mooch!!) and be relugated to the "cut-out bin of history". A "none hit wonder" he/she would forever be remembered for his/her honesty, integrity and banality...forever and ever...amen.
I think this can be done.....
I'd like to suggest the name Boo (for aesthetic purposes of course) as it's a "one size fits all" name.....