Hi,
I've been layering sounds to make my kicks. I pick a good sample to be my main kick and add a HH or short hi-percussive sound to help it cut through the mix. I do not compress much and I've found out that tape compression and distortion helps in making it fatter and not too agressive.
I also keep an eye on the spectrum analyzer. If my kick drum is hitting around 60Hz, I put a low-pass filter on the bass just around that area so that it won't mess around with my kick.
All the rest may get a low-pass around 140Hz if it won't affect the sound much.
Maybe your problem is that you have too much things playing on the same frequency range as your kick. Then you eq and compress to make the kick cut through the mix and when you get your drum parts it is way too loud.
Also, be aware of your bus compressor and limiter settings. Deppending on how you set your attack and release times it will respond differently on parts where the dynamics of your track changes.
There's a very nice video on Pensado's place (YouTube channel) where he talks about bus compressor techniques. But if you want to try, this is what he does: Instead of loading a bus compressor (limiter, maximizer, whatever) on the entire mix, he spread several of those across different busses. One for the bass and the kick, another for the leads, one for the pads, etc. I think it makes sense because the audio that the plugin has to handle is much simpler than an entire mix. In addition, by boosting the busses individually you'll get a lot of extra dbs before getting to the master fader.
Cheers.