The problem is that people don't record music anymore like they used to. In the day, when there was an actual band involved plus an engineer, they could just sit there and play and work on the song and the engineer could tweak mic placement, EQ, comp, etc... The engineer could get it as close to what it should really sound like as was practical (time permitting), and could work on the band to get rid of frequency conflicts, and so forth.
After that, they could then take a break and then come back and record, and it's all there, the art and the engineering. Not that there wouldn't likely be stuff still to do, overdubs over the basic tracks and all that, but much of the sonics could be worked out before record is ever hit.
If you are recording yourself, all that goes out the window. You can't sit there and play four or five instruments at once to see how they are going to fit together. But, it's also, IMO, lazy and ultimately sub-optimal not to figure out what you want to do before you start doing it. Otherwise it's just wanking and the results show in most self-recorded content. Not that once in a while you can't just sort of muddle out something nice from scratch. But that's going to be the huge exception, not the rule.
It seems to me that the only way around this connundrum is to do a sequence of demos of the song before you do the real thing. Even back in the day, when all of the above benefits were there, people often did that. Just get the idea down really roughly with voice and guitar or voice and piano. Make sure it works as a song even in that rough form.
Then start adding parts on that, without any real concern for performance, just for composition. Abuse it as required to sort of shake it into a useful configuration and work on possible part changes and such. Don't get caught up in engineering, just write the song. Cut and paste like crazy, whatever it takes because it's songwriting and composition, not recording.
Then do another one where you take it up a notch in terms of sonics and performance. Where it's really a rough demo of the song. Live with that a while and come back to it and listen to it after a bit of time away from it, and think of ways it could be improved. Tweak EQ and compression and automation and such to get the feel and blend the way you think it should be. Listen for frequency conflicts and how you could change the parts slightly to avoid them (instead of just fixing it in the mix.) Listen to how this or that part might play around this one other, or this is getting in the way of the vocal, etc...
At that point, you now know how every part should sound, what every part should be, how the parts can interact in nice ways and so forth. At least you know that FAR more than you would have had you just sat down and started screwing around. You can then set up to get the sound you want without having to guess, and you can play the parts and know that they are going to fit. And you can PLAY the dynamics, not put it in artificially at the end with automation. So you can concentrate on both sonics and performance because you've done the preparatory work, and you aren't trying to figure out what you are doing, you are doing what you know you want to do. Importantly, you can also use that rough demo as a backing track to lay down the first couple parts of the final take, since they are always problematic having to be played in a vacuum.
That, to me, is the answer, but few self-recorders probably ever do it, me included most of the time. It's so much easier to just sit down and wank really, because time is limited. Whereas sitting there for days with an acoustic and working out chord changes and melodies, and then doing multiple demos is a lot of actual work.
But, if you look at the truely great albums, it's doubtful that one single song on any of them was made by just sitting down and screwing around. They will almost by definition have been slaved over, with multiple rough demos (at least of the sections) having been done, and with hours and hours of work on composition and tone before any recording was done. And you'll end up with a far better, far more organic, or varied, interesting, emotional, and rich song in the end if you do, IMO.