Uttimately, no matter what, you will need to do three things:
1. Get your room treated so that, at least at the mixing position, you can hear what's coming out of the speakers with reasonable accuracy. This involves the position of the listening position, the position of the speakers relative to your head and the walls, and if it's a fairly small room getting a good bit of bass trappage in there. Ultimately something like ARC can only do so much. It can't deal with cancellations and they are as bad as peaks. Reducing the bass energy that comes back to the listening position is utltimately the only way to really get it right.
Read up some on the appropriate use of bass traps, and how to use room measurement software to measure the response of your room at your head position. Then start experimenting and see how flat you can get it. Start with the obvious trap positions and work from there.
2. Learn how your particular setup translates. Lots of great songs have been mixed on NS-10s or Mackie HR824s, which are hardly high endy. The folks who used them learned their characteristics and how they translate. If you are hearing pretty accurately what is coming out of the speakers, then you can listen to commercial tracks that you like and hear how they sound in your room, and then how they sound in the other speaker systems you use to check your mixes, and not how they differ. There's no need for you to get freaked out when your own mixes differ in the same ways, it's not your mix it's just the environment.
3. Learn about calibrated monitoring environments. Our ears change in sensitivity to the balance of mids vs. highs/lows depending on volume. You want to have a standard reference level in the room (SPL) that you can always get back to. You can always cheak it higher and lower, but having that standard level means that you have a way to compare the balance between mixes on a fair playing field. And a way to insure that you listen to commercial CDs at a fair SPL compared to your mixes.
Calibrated monitoring systems also provide a natural means to get the right amount of compression. If a particular mix level on your DAW's meters corresponds to a particular SPL in the room, the only way to make it louder or softer is by adjusting the RMS levels of the mix. So you get a natural feel for how much compression to use. Too little and the low parts are too low. Too much and it starts getting too loud. If you have it set up so that well balanced, appropriately compressed mixes sound just right, then you have a better change of catching when something isn't right.