I do hope this isn't cutting across any forum rules I just read about 'Religion'.
It's not my intent to abuse, violate or ignore said rules.
If I have, I do understand if it gets deleted, but know that my intentions are pure at heart here for individual help in my time of need, being a member here since 2006, and not to offend, ostracize or upset anyone here. Thank you.
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Hey Buds,
Long time no read or post here - I've only replied to a post once here in the last 1-1/2 years.
But this is a call to any and all who believe in prayer and the power of it.
 
I'm asking if you would be so kind as to take a moment and pray for the healing of my wife.
 
She's dying.
 
Her name is Kindness. (I'm Jim)
We do believe in miracles, especially since God has answered our prayers before, both individually and together.
For those wishing to read on, more follows.
For those who wish to just stop here and pray - thank you with all my heart. Thank you also even for just reading this far.
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Kindness had a hysterectomy about 2 years ago, and asked to have both her ovaries removed, but she was talked out of it by the surgeon. Still, she persistently asked, but he kept refusing because he didn't want to send her into early menopause. She was 32 at that time and is not quite 35 now.
Fast forward to March of this year, and there it is - ovarian cancer - having one ovary left that she couldn't even use to have children with anyways.

Kindness has been diagnosed with aggressive ovarian cancer, and told that she has clear-cell carcinoma, which affects more young woman than old.
It also doesn't always respond to chemo very well. She was given about a 50/50 chance of survival. That was on May 4, and she started chemo on May 10.
The oncologist had a tear in here eye.
You know when the Dr. starts welling up, that can't be good news. Myself, I went into semi-shock right there and then and stared at the floor in disbelief for the rest of that initial meeting. My wife was extremely healthy. I was the one it should have happened to, having a number of health changes over the last few years, now that I'm in my mid 50's.
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Kindness finished her 4th round of a scheduled 6 and was handling chemo really quite well. Even the Oncologist was impressed. We were told that the main tumor and all the smaller lesions had shrunk a bit, but not fast enough to do surgery on yet. Naturally, we were pleased with any progress whatsoever.

Then when she went in to start round 5 - about 17 days ago - she reported about how much pain she had been in the last few days, which her Mother and I knew she had here at home for a few days already.
So they cancelled her chemo and sent her to ER where we spent 13 hours there to see a doctor for about 4 minutes, who did some blood tests and then sent us home.
A few days later, her fever here at home rose to a dangerous level, so we went back to the ER as advised when I called that morning.
After a grueling 36 hours there, they finally moved her upstairs, and she's been in the Palliative Care Ward ever since July 30.
I was hoping that she could come home on my birthday, Aug. 2, but no.
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Her Mother is living with her in the hospital room, and has been with her 24/7 since July 30.
Because we had moved closer to the Hospital and Cancer Center on June 1, we now live just 2 minutes away.
So, not having much room in the hospital room, I would go home each night to sleep, while her Mother stayed with her full time. I would be there 10-12 hours a day, and would go in and out and get anything needed or desired for either of them.
 
On Aug. 8, I told Kindness that I could not get there until later. She didn't seem to believe what I said about it in an email she sent me that morning. I finally got there at 5 PM but was then turned away by one of our more favorite nurses, who said no visitors right now.
I notice a pink note taped up on the door behind the nurse where my wife had been.
So I handed 2 CDs for Kindness to the nurse and returned home and then noticed that email that my wife had sent me earlier that morning.
She mentioned how much she likes seeing me and misses me when I'm not there, but that she felt I was 'draining on her' because of my obvious sadness and worry about how things were going. She said that she felt that I really didn't like what was happening, even though we were not discussing anything, nor crying, nor anything else but just sitting reading, smiling at each other, etc. 
She also said she doesn't know how to fix that and that she couldn't give me the attention she felt I needed, and that it was hanging over her like a cloud. I recall my mood being just steady and even - concerned, but not expressive in any way.

I replied with a short email telling her not to worry about me and my needs, and that I was just naturally concerned and worried about her as anyone would be and that she has nothing to fix or do for me, and that it's all about her right now.
 
I'm not sure if she ever read that reply or not.
 
The last communication I got from her in a text was that she had some really bad news.
She met with the Oncologist and a social worker that day, just before I was turned away.
 
Her Mother later texted me that she was also not privy to that meeting, (but she must know by now, being there with Kindness full time). I was asked to just respect Kindness' wishes - about not coming to see her for now - maybe just for a few days.
I haven't heard from, talked to, communicated with or seen Kindness since then.
 
That was 6-7 days ago, on Aug 7.
 
Her sister has come a few times to get a few things here at home for her and communicating as a 3rd party to me with what little she knows, and so I kind of know what my wife probably doesn't want to tell me or face me with. I don't think she knows what even little bits I've been told.
She's been in a quite a lot of pain for a few weeks now with pain relief being given every hour or two, and going in and out of consciousness and sleep, and the associated confusion, etc. that would come with all that, not to mention the 'news' that she just got a week ago, of course.

It's killing me to be here without her, knowing that she has only been given 2 -3 months to live - maybe less - and that I want to be with her, but can't, as I wish to respect her wishes.

But I think it might be just too much for her - at least for now - to see me face to face.
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A few days ago. her sister took some of her favorite stuffed toys - dogs, bunnies, bears, etc, that Kindness likes, and some clothes and photos, so to make her room more homey and comfortable.
 
So last night, I also sent along with that sister, one stuffed pink bunny that I bought for Kindness shortly after we got together almost 8 years ago.
 
I later got a text that that upset my wife, and caused her some anxiety, of which she has struggled with over the years.
(Over the last 8 years, it was her family that caused her anxiety - particularly her Mother - and it was me that she couldn't wait to be back home alone with that could make her feel calm, settled, safe and normal again.)
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At home here, I myself am seeing and stumbling upon so many triggers of memories - saved greeting cards, emails, photos, songs, TV shows, clothes. etc. that we liked and shared together of our happier days not so very long ago, so I think she just can't go there yet - or maybe even at all. I can barely handle it!

I'm being told to accept what is, has and will happen and to even start accepting the grieving process, but this is indeed the hardest thing I've ever gone through - especially while she's still alive and so close by.
 
And it could go on for months - only to have to go through it all over again if and when that day should 'officially' come.
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I think that the plan is to try and let her heal from the complications that have interrupted her chemo treatments, which would require as little stress as possible, of which to her, seeing or even thinking of me is one of those main stressors - her constant concern and worry about me and what I must be going through.
She's like that - she's always concerned about others, regardless of what she' going through.
Add to that the thoughts of losing our potential future together plus what we've had so far.
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So Brothers and Sisters - I'm really not doing so well here.
Naturally, I want to be with my wife.
Yet not being able to see, hold, comfort, kiss, talk to, text, or email the woman I love so much, thinking that she is most likely dying in pain, agony, sorrow, stress, and disbelief just 2 short minutes away from me here is proving to be almost unbearable. 

It's like I'm in a 'key-less prison' where I can come and go anytime I want - except the one place I want to go - to see and be with her.
 
I feel so helpless and useless, not to mention my heart being ripped open!
I've always fixed or done anything for her she's ever asked, but I can't fix this!
 
Hence the prayer requests.
 
So please pray for us, if you would.
And if you could remember a week from now and ask your church or place of worship and prayer to join in together, that would be great too!

As stated above, we have had answered prayer in our lives before, both individually, and together.
(Thank you for reading this far.)

Jim
 
 

I am not a religious fellow but am not so bold to presume that positive thoughts, well wishing and empathy cannot have an effect in this mysterious universe... even from afar and to those I do not even know personal.
 
So you have all of those from me.
 
I am sorry to hear about your struggles and I hope you can make it through this as best as possible.

I will pray for all of you, as will my wife. I will bring this up in church for prayer as well. As I'm guessing you know, there is a balm in knowing others are sharing your pain and praying to the Father for you.
 
Something to consider, hard as it may be to do: often, it is good (even in pain) to focus our thoughts away from our anxiety. My wife's favorite psalm (Ps. 145) is appropriate for this. If you can, try to get some time to meditate on this (or a similar psalm or passage). My wife would often meditate on this psalm as I was in a coma following a heart attack in 2009. If you need the text, I will send it to you.

Hopefully this link works...  Check this out since it's well known that the usual approaches make pharmaceutical companies richer than the cure people with cancer.
 
http://marketing.alsearsmd.com/acton/rif/28028/s-00da-1706/-/l-00ea:7ee4/l-00ea/showPreparedMessage?utm_term=browser&utm_campaign=The%20FDA%20wants%20to%20crush%20this%20%5Cu201Ccontroversial%5Cu201D%20therapy%20%20&utm_content=email&utm_source=Act-On+Software&utm_medium=email&cm_mmc=Act-On%20Software-_-email-_-The%20FDA%20wants%20to%20crush%20this%20%5Cu201Ccontroversial%5Cu201D%20therapy%20%20-_-browser&sid=TV2:2xCUnp9ou
 
Also, you may want to research Oxygen Therapy.  It "only" won the guy who came up with it a Nobel Peace prize but, since the FDA is in the Big Pharmaceutical company's pocket, it's outlawed in the U.S. (even though members of the FDA itself have traveled to Germany to have it done to them).
 
Two comments:  Intent is everything!  Keep her positive and focused on beating this.  My Mom had the same but was at a stage where they gave her 0.3% chance of surviving.  She was determined to live and did - for 19 years and counting (she's 88 now).  The other comment is that all positive thoughts have power, religious or not, so you'll be getting bunch from this direction! 

Thank you outland144k.
My wife used to read the Psalms to me and some older folks she used to volunteer for at their own Palliative Care Center in a different hospital before she took ill.
 
I will read it today.
 
I try to do and think of other things, and it works sometimes for a while - even an hour or more, but...thinks come back around. Pretty much for sure when I go to bed and when I get up. In fact, if I wake up to turn over, it can be very tough to sleep again. One of my biggest challenges will be: How do I sing again?
My wife loved my singing and piano playing, and the thought of doing some songs she loved and some other painful ones now is very hard to think about.

Thanks Craig.
I think that's where my wife is trying to get to and stay there. Even her Dr. and others have said the same - the attitude and belief of the patient is much of it.  
 
Before I click that link, we have stumbled upon reading that kind of thing already, so I think I know just how it will read. But I'll check it out it anyway.
 

Jim,
 
Not much I can say that will bring a cure, and the situation of metastasized ovarian cancer is quite grave.
 
2002 a physician came back after reading my CT scan. He had a tear in his eye. He said, you're a pharmacist, here is the CT. A picture will tell you more than a thousand of my words. I knew this was not good. I had basically rotted away from my throat to my knees. They did a hail Mary and said to get my things in order. They didn't even know what they were dealing with.
 
Not a lot to say good about cancer in any of its forms. Been battling for over 15 years and maybe just too mean to die. Got a recurring date with destiny in a year or so with another major mutilating operation to try to keep me chugging away for a few more years.
 
Has given me lots of time to think and reflect on cancer and mortality. Not preaching to the choir because I am the choir.
 
Two pieces of advice for what it may be worth.
 
First, anything that is good. Anything that is lasting. Anything with the sentiment of love endures. Our short stay here is meant to pass so we can get to a better place, but we go on. Higher and higher. Bonds of love are never broken. They continue as we take on different masks in a glorious ascension.
 
In the dirt of the earth, your wife may not have any hope for survival. If there is any hope, it is within the scope of current clinical trials. Please consider this.
 
A hundred years from now, maybe 50 years from now, medical science will look back on us as being in the barbaric struggling dark ages of cancer treatment. Current chemo and radiation protocols are evolving, but still a toxic blast that takes out everything hoping to get the cancer. Later the stage of diagnosis or progression, the worse the outcome.
Another problem. Oncologists are the biggest liars on the planet. They have to be. There is so much involved in the mental state of the cancer victim that can weight the life expectancy months either way.
 
They have to pump you up with hope when they know there is none. Please second guess, get second opinion, third opinion.
 
Got to Google and search for clinical trials. There are government sites, private sites that are testing the latest and best therapies against cancer. The treatments are not available to the general public because the long term safety issues and FDA approval are not there. Means that yes, this can cure your cancer, but we don't know if your hair will fall out in 20 years.
 
Please search the trial databases. Metastatic ovarian cancer is likely a death sentence under approved treatments. You must reach out of the box if there is a possible cure. And there may be at the rate we are progressing in our understanding
 
Please also keep me in the loop. PM or post. Can evaluate the trials and help with selection. God bless you and your wife. For whatever I can do, I'm here for you both.
 
Love and support,
John
 
 
 

I've been dancing around the most tactful way to say this but I guess this is about as good as it gets...
 
She's your wife. Despite her protestations and your desire to respect her wishes if you love here (obviously) and she loves you (that's your call)...
 
I would just show up for five minutes every day. Whther she screams, throws crap at you, whatever. Just walk in (at the most convenient time for her and the doctors) for 5 minutes. Just announce "I love you, honey and I respect your wishes but I am sitting here for five minutes to be with you... because I love you and that's that".
 
Don't be a mopey crying lump. Be there for her for the entire five minutes and say NOTHING about yourself or the outside world. You just be a presence of love in the room for five minutes and leave once it's up. Even if she says "No... you don't have to go" and you can tell she's just saying that for you say "it's okay honey... I just wanted my five minutes and now I'll let you be".
 
If she wants absolutely noone around that's fine and that can be respected but that five minutes might turn into ten... or twenty and so on.
 
The thing is you CANNOT even for a second make those five minutes about anything else than what she wants to discuss even if she wants to discuss anything at all.
 
I would also ask the hospital if they have any grief and/or end of life counsellors or if they can recommend some to sort out the obviously very tricky (but not unusual) dynamic you have described.
 
If there is indeed hope for recovery through the power of positive thought (or prayer) then generally it all comes down to the mental/emotional state of the patient.
 
Self isololation is not in anyway uncommon but it's also not beneficial or healthy in any way.
 
BUT I don't know your situation and I am not a shrink. Just some thoughts from someone who's been on both sides of that coin.
 
Sometimes even though people SAY they don't want anyone around they are being what they think is stoic, selfless or they seriously don't FEEL like having people around when they tell those people to bugger off... but feel SO much better after a short, light/unobtrusive visit (not a long drawn out weepy affair) which then in turn helps them heal,
 
In the worst case scenario though at least you and she got those small 5 minute visits.
 
Sorry if that's all too... well personal/pseudo-psychological but that's a pretty sad story.
 
Best to you and absolutely hoping your lady bounces back.
 
Cheers.

Jim, this is probably the thing that I fear the most in life; my wife being taken from me by something I can't control.  I am very sorry to hear of this emotionally unbearable situation.  I truly pray for a miracle that only God can provide and peace and comfort if it is not provided.
 
I will pray for your wife, and for you and your family. 

Thanks guys and all who are starting to chime in here and still will afterwards.
 
 It's great to see such concern and care - especially when I have only one or two people I can talk too in person.  
 
And one guy drinks a lot, so I have to call and see what shape he's in before I listen too long and too much.  
 
(First wife was an alcoholic, so it's kind of hard to listen to him when he's plastered too.) ;(