Ham N Egz
Pragi
Thanks for the advice, Beep.
with the English issues you have perhaps?
Beepsters comments were a compliment not advice
just saying
Giving and receiving compliments, we make it so hard.
One of the ways to be kind to others is by giving compliments. We do this frequently and easily with children, however, adults often struggle to compliment other adults and many of us have difficulty accepting compliments.
There are many reasons we struggle with giving compliments. We often say to "pay" a compliment, an expression that in itself implies that we are funding the exchange from our own limited reserves, that to offer kindness to others is to deplete ourselves. Acknowledging someone else's strengths or admiring their good qualities can leave us feeling vulnerable. Sometimes we are reluctant to give compliments because we feel self-conscious. Maybe the person we are complimenting will think we are "sucking up” or have ulterior motives. Maybe they will brush us off. Maybe we will make them uncomfortable.
So part of the reason we don’t give compliments is because we are so bad at accepting them. This is partly due to the "don't be up yourself" nature of culture - heaven forbid people might think we think we are good at something. Accepting compliments is also limited by our view of ourselves, our difficulty believing that people can see good things in us that we might not recognise.
Complimenting others requires self-confidence and bravery but like most things it gets easier with practice. Expressing our positive feelings about others connects us with the joy of giving. It is a brave, generous and wonderfully humble thing to do.
Allowing ourselves to receive compliments can help us identify our strengths and provide us relief from the nagging doubt about our own skills and worth. When we are complimented, the same part of our brain that is activated as when we receive financial reward. We feel encouraged and are likely to repeat complimented behaviours and feel our motivations renewed. Plus, we allow the personal complimenting us to experience the gift of making us feel good.
I can't help but think our day to day would be much nicer and we would feel more connected and less frightened of each other if we actually shared our nice thoughts (the complaints and criticisms seem to come all too freely). So when you think of something nice about someone, try expressing it. If someone gives you a compliment, assume they mean it and just say thank you.
Stiil high