I tried to make some improvements
 

Well, it's certainly an interesting piece of music, and, as such, I think it's worth sticking with, though it really needs huge amounts of work.  For one I'd recommend shortening it down to about 4 minutes if you can, it being very difficult to sustain interest for 6 minutes, or even 5.  You certainly have the songwriting skills, and part of that sometimes is making tough decisions about where and what to cut.  The potential is there.  Go to work and bring it out.

Newest link: https://soundcloud.com/laura-thomson-723335445
 

Laura
once again this demonstrates your quixotic style, mixing equal parts Cardiacs with Portishead and then Queen...i would like the slower parts to have more of a trip-hop style, but then maybe it would be too much of a departure to the faster rock sections.
you remain a total genius however. i don't know if you have listened to The 3rd & the Mortal (last 3 albums) but you should, also Starofash, who is Ihsahn from Emperor's wife - just a bit of female-led melange of electronica and rock you may appreciate
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftGBezoH9EA
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pp3PvyR3dc
 

mgh, thank you so much for the encouragement; I really appreciate it (as Donald Trump would say, "Believe me!").
 
The links were great - I hadn't heard either of them! Live and learn :) 
 
Thanks again mgh, 
LJ
 
 

philz, thank you for your comments. You're perfectly right that I am much too long-winded sometimes, and need to pare things down. 
 
LJ

Ok, one of the most interesting things I have heard up here for a long time.  The overall mix seems cluttered but the way the vocals lay in there is just freaking me out.  I don't know if I have quite heard anything like this.  I will be looking for your name up here more often.  You are definitely worth listening to.  Yes, I would do this over.  I don't know what I would change, maybe nothing.  I' am too confused right now.  That is good.

You're still an original Laura. Keep on keeping on girl.

You got a thing going on here. Impressive stuff and really interesting and unexpected directions.
 
If you want some help producing/mixing, PM me.

evadianepug: You made me laugh! Thanks for all the encouragement and for your unique way of expressing yourself!
 
bapu: I know my "mixes" must drive you nuts, but you still take the time to say something nice! Thanks! 
 
jamesyoyo: Wow, that's a very kind and generous offer!  If I ever get brave enough, I hope to take you up on it. I will work on getting the nerve together.
 
What nice people!
LJ