GRANDMA

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Granddaughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker....
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection,just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is,and I didn't notice the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus, because if hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed .
I found out that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ' For The Love of God!' Go! Go!Go! Jesus Christ , GO!
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him start yelling something about the sunny beaches. I saw another guy waving in a funny way, with only his middle finger stuck in the air. I ask my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I had never met anyone from Hawaii,so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sigh right back.
My Grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience.
A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my Brothers and Sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that had got through the intersection, before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, and leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise The Lord for such wonderful Folks!! Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

I was on holiday last year and I saw a Brownie holding a book, on the front it said "Rough Guide". I thought "Yeah - she's not a looker"

ORIGINAL: The Kiosk Project

I was on holiday last year and I saw a Brownie holding a book, on the front it said "Rough Guide". I thought "Yeah - she's not a looker"

You are even sicker than me Mr Project


I must try harder

ORIGINAL: SteveStrummerUK

ORIGINAL: The Kiosk Project

I was on holiday last year and I saw a Brownie holding a book, on the front it said "Rough Guide". I thought "Yeah - she's not a looker"

You are even sicker than me Mr Project


I must try harder

Go on then Strummy...

"Mummy mummy, what's a nymphomaniac?"

"Not now dear, I need some help getting Grandma off the door handle"

A woman takes her son to the doctors for a check up . When it's all finished the doctor pulls her aside and ,in a low tone , tells her " I notice the lad has an awfully small pecker.... I know it seems odd , but If you feed him lots of waffles he will be back into proportion and then some in no time ".


The next mornig the boy comes down the stairs to find the table laden with enough waffles to feed a platoon. The boy ask; " mommy , mommy , are all those for me ???
No , his mother says ; " you have a few platefulls , the rest are for your father "

OK, I'll substitute with **:

A man had problems with his two sons cussing. They were sitting down to dinner one night and the man realized that he had tried everything so the only way to stop it was to just whack 'em hard when they cussed.
They sat down and the man asked the first son ,"What'll you have son?"
The son said " Well, dad, pass me the God D***** mashed potatoes.:
Well the man stood up, reached over the table and knocked the kid hard on his a**.
The father looked at the other son and said, "Well how about you son, what do you want?"
The kid looked at him and said:
"Well, dad, I'm not sure but you can bet your a** it won't be the God D***** mashed potatoes."

It translates better in the spoken word. Ha!

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

He walks in. She turns and says, "You’ve got to make love to me this very moment."

His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day."

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer’s broken."

Lil' Johny's dad walks in the room after a long hard day at work finding Johny ***** his own grandma!

"Huh????You lil' brat!You re ***** my mother?????"

Johny:

"Why?Arent ya ***** MY mother?"

Waddya call a guy on the front porch with no arms and legs.

Matt

Man, that just doesn't seem right.