2009/03/09 12:40:29
Jonbouy
Roses are Red
Violets are Grey
Got the wrong colour
Never mind aye
2009/03/11 18:57:29
rbecker
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
And so am I
2009/03/11 19:02:28
SteveStrummerUK

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Control freak! Now you say 'Control freak who?'
2009/03/11 20:23:12
Jonbouy
2009/03/11 20:48:29
Jonbouy
I can't believe this glaring omission.

What d'ya call a man with a plank on his head?

Edward.

What d'ya call a man with 3 planks on his head?

Edward Woodward.

=============================

An equality commission forced civil servant 'Guy Chapman' to change his name.

He's now called 'Person Personperson'

2009/03/11 23:37:30
Lord Tim
I'd always thought Edward Woodward was the sound you heard when you farted in the bathtub.
2009/03/12 17:06:30
SteveStrummerUK

A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window.

The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He loses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side.

Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts.

"But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams.

"Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!"

She takes the shoe off his foot and places it over her crotch and gets out of the car, limping and shouting for help. After a few hundred yards of yelling and running a trucker notices this naked hysterical woman holding a shoe over her crotch, and pulls over.

"What's seems to be the trouble?", he asks.

"Help me", she screams, "My husband is stuck".

"If he's stuck up that far I'm afraid I can't help you."

2009/03/12 19:37:17
mumpcake

ORIGINAL: evadianepug

Waddya call a guy on the front porch with no arms and legs.

Matt

Man, that just doesn't seem right.


Same guy in a cannibal village ... Stew.
2009/03/17 15:57:40
OffAnAirplane

ORIGINAL: space_cowboy

OK Fog Back At ya

What do you call a girl with one leg?
Ilene
What do you call a guy with one leg?
Neal
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Don't matter, he aint comin to you.


I can't believe nobody added this one. Maybe it isn't PC enough. I guess we'll see.

What do you call a girl with one leg? Ilene.
What do you call a chinese girl with one leg? Irene.

2009/03/17 16:51:21
space_cowboy
Hah
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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