To do is to be - Descartes

To be is to do - Voltaire



























Do be do be do - Sinatra

A man comes home late and sneaks into bed and begin giving his wife oral sex. When he's done, he goes into the bathroom and is startled when he finds his WIFE in there. She looks at him and says "SHHHHHH, your mom is in our bed"!!!!!!!!!!

ORIGINAL: SteveStrummerUK


Knock knock!

Who's there?

Control freak! Now you say 'Control freak who?'

Hey that belongs to Space Cowboy. And Me.

A blonde went into a bar and asked for a double entendre - so the barman gave her one . . .

RIP Tommy Cooper

2 turds are sitting around the toilet bowl. One says "I don't feel so good". The other replies, "Yeah, you look like ***t."

Two rats are talking in the sewer....

"I hate this job - it's s**t in the morning and even more s**t in the afternoon"

"Yeah I agree, but at least we'll be on the piss tonight"

What 60s singing group only played once a month?

The New Cristy Menstruals.

What is a seal's least favourite drink?

Canadian club, on the rocks.

ORIGINAL: Slugbaby

Canadian club, on the rocks.

Hit me ...

Once I was talking with my girlfriend (and you guys know how painful that can be). She said - "I'm going to go look at cars tomorrow." Being a guy, I replied "Hey, why don't I come along so a man can help you?"

She got very offended. "That is so sexist. Just because I am a woman doesn't mean I am ignorant about cars. I understand the differences in the service requirements, reliability, gas mileage, resale value ... "on and on and on (you know how she is).

I responded "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to upset you. It was sexist and I realize it. Please forgive me. What kind of car are you thinking about buying?"

She responded confidently "A red one".