The police arrested a couple of teenage ne'er do wells with fireworks last week.  They charged one and let the other off.


What happened when the grape was sat on by an elephant?
Nothing much, it just gave out a little whine.

ericyeoman


Time for some crap jokes methinks.
 
What do you get if you sit underneath a cow?
A pat on the head!
 
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef!
 
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

What do you call a girl with one leg?  
Ilene
What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg?
Irene
What do you call a guy with no legs?
Neil
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Don't matter he aint comin to you.  

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

Two women seem to take the same train from Maine down into Boston every Friday afternoon. After months passing, they finally sat next to each other and discussed this coincidence.  The first one explained that, " Every weekend I visit my elderly mother. She has a hard time getting around these days and I enjoy cooking and cleaning for her. Are you visiting as well?" To this the second replied," Heavens, No. My husband's brother is a fisherman and I travel down to Boston to get Scrod." At this, the first women replied, " I've been a school teacher for nearly 25 years now, and that's the first time I've ever heard the past participle of that verb."

space_cowboy
 
What do you call a guy with no legs?
Neil

What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms in a swimming pool?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Bob
 
 
 

An anteater walks into a bar.

The barman says...'Why the long face?'

A mushroom walks into a bar
The bartender says "Hey we don't serve your kind in here!"
The mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fungi"

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

This is really crap:
 
A group of men were sitting around the table about to eat some steaks that one man's wife had cooked.
The wife had also made up a special sauce that was a big hit with the guys.
One Guy says: "Hey Martha, What's this here sauce?"
 
That's it. Geddit?
 
(Explanation. "What's this here sauce?" is supposed to sound like "Worcestershire Sauce")
 
Laugh?
 
I didn't.
 
But it's a crap joke!
 

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been inside a 747.