' I put drops in her eyes!! '

Yeah, but did it work?

I wanna know because I reckon I could still administer eye-drops.

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado and off they whirled to the land of OZ

They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard .

"What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz? "


Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:
"I've come for some courage."

" No Problem! said the Wizard Who ' s next? "


Richard Nixon stepped forward,
"Well, I think I need a heart."

"Done!" says the Wizard.


"Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"


Up stepped George Bush and said,
"I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."

"No problem! said the Wizard. Consider it done."


Then there is a great silence in the hall.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but he doesn't say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks,
"Well, what do you want?"

"IS DOROTHY HERE?"

Two guys on vacation are sunning themselves on the beach.

One says to the other "how come you get all the gals fawning over you while I always get the cold shoulder?"

"Easy", says the other guy "I'll let you in to a little secret...I hide an impressive man-size root vegetable down in my trunks"

Next day the guys are on the beach again.

The first guy says "Well I tried your little secret but I can't understand it seems to have made things worse I got the finest manly looking vegetable I could find put it down my trunks now everyone is avoiding me like I have the plague".

"Well", says guy 2 "You're supposed to put it down the front!"

 
 

Two buddies were hiking through the woods and suddenly came upon a huge grizzly bear. The startled bear rose up to his full 10-foot height and roared his displeasure.
The 2 men began running and the bear started chasing them.
Bob quickly tore off his back pack and pulled out a pair of running shoes, stopped, and began to tear off his boots to put the running shoes on.
"You idiot", shouted Bill. "You can't outrun a bear just because you're wearing running shoes!"
"I don't have to outrun the bear", Bob retorted.
 

A Good Ole Scottish Man had a wee bit too much to drink and while stumbling home had found himself a nice cozy spot on the side of the road to take a nap.

A short while later, two lassies happened on the man and decided to play a joke on him. One of the girls took her hair ribbon off and handed to the other one who managed to lift up the Scotsman's kilt and proceeded to tie the ribbon around what she found. Giggling, the two Lassies hurried off home.

After a long nap the Scotsman awoke from his stupor and was a little startled by what had happened until he finally came to terms with the incident by proclaiming," Hooten-man, I don't know where ye bin, but ye won first prize"

(ripped off Mock the week)

why did santa have to close his factory.....

due to ELF and safety

Santa’s Bad Day

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.  Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
 
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
 
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
 
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
 
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.  The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”
 
And thus began a tradition we still follow to this day....

Kids today!

It seems they have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.

I was speaking to some this morning.

They didn't even know who 'Morecambe and Wise' were.

Jonbouy


Kids today!

It seems they have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.

I was speaking to some this morning.

They didn't even know who 'Morecambe and Wise' were.

LOL
 
Merry Christmas to you and Kerry JB!