A preist, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says......

Is this some kind of joke?

 
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven.  St Peter explains that to be allowed in, they must present him with something “Christmassy”.
 
The first man searches his pocket, and finds a sprig of Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
 
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
 
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
 
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”
 
The third man answered “They’re Carol’s.”

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar you irritating little git"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

ericyeoman


Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

I guess I'll have to BIN 11001 then.

a Ukrainian guy goes up to Churchill to do some snowmobiling.  during his ride he encounters an Inuit guy who's sled is broken down.  he asks the Inuit if he would like him to see what's wrong with it.  after a half hour of looking at the sled the Ukrainian says to the Inuit... "looks like you blew a seal"  the Inuit replies..."no no, it's just frost on my mustache"

 
Two nuns in the bath....
 
"Where's the soap Bernadette?"
 
"Yes, it certainly does Sheila"

SteveStrummerUK


 
Two nuns in the bath....
 
"Where's the soap Bernadette?"
 
"Yes, it certainly does Sheila"

Ok, if we're going that far back, then............

The same two nuns later took a ride down on a tandem down a bumpy road in an unfamiliar part of town.

"I've never come this way before Sheila"  says Bernadette

"Nor have I" replies Sheila "must be something to do with the road surface"

Paul McCartney is said to have worked out a generous settlement for his ex-wife that included a plane.

He also got her some ex-foliating pads for the other leg.

A Mexican lady gave birth to twin boys, Juan and Amal. The proud father took a photo..of Juan.

His puzzled wife said 'Why did you not photograph both our lovely boys?'

'What's the point?' said the father

'When you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal'