2010/02/23 15:16:37
SteveStrummerUK
 
Today's the 75th anniversary of the invention of cat's-eyes.
 
The inventor, Percy Shaw, got the idea for them when, as he was leaving his house one evening, he saw his pet cat's eyes shining in the dark as it came toward him.
 
Just think, if the cat had been walking away from him he would have invented the pencil sharpener.
 
2010/02/23 15:22:53
SteveStrummerUK
 
Doctor, I keep seeing this spinning insect.
 
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going round.
2010/02/23 15:28:33
SteveStrummerUK
 
The inflatable schoolboy got up one morning and stuck a pin in his inflatable parents.
 
Off he went to his inflatable school and immediately stuck a pin in that.
 
Finally, he stuck the pin in himself.
 
His teacher turned to him and said, "You've let your parents down, you've let the school down, but most importantly, you've let yourself down."
2010/02/23 15:37:00
SteveStrummerUK
 
Two prawns were swimming around in the tropical sea. One was called Justin and the other called Christian. They were always being threatened by the sharks that patrolled the area.
 
One day, during a storm, Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten."
 
Just at that moment, a huge flash of lightning hit the water above them and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend.
 
Time went by and Justin found himself bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates swam away whenever he came close to them. He didn't realise that it was his menacing appearance which was the cause of his sad plight.
 
The next time there was a storm, Justin wondered if that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn.  Whilst he was deep in thought about being a prawn once more, another flash of lightning struck the water above him and, lo and behold, he turned back into prawn. With tears of joy in his eyes, Justin swam back to all his old friends.
 
Looking around the gathering that greeted him, he searched for his old best friend. "Where's Christian?" he asked the others.  "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides and became a shark", was the reply.
 
Eager to put things right again with his friend, Justin set off to Christian's house. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."  Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."
 
Justin shouted back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."
 
"I'm a prawn again Christian."
 
 
 
2010/02/24 13:27:23
bapu
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a  65-year-old friend of mine
was able to give birth.. When she was  discharged from the hospital and went
home, I went to  visit.
 
'May  I see the new baby?' I asked
 
'Not  yet ,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'
 
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'  
 
'No, not yet,' She said.
 
After another few minutes had elapsed,
 
I  asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
 
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
 
Growing very impatient, I  asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!'  she told me.
 
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have  to wait until he CRIES?'  



'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT  HIM, O.K.?!!'


2010/02/24 21:05:56
Slugbaby
How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?

When she fits into your wife's clothes.
2010/02/25 22:06:02
marcos69
2010/02/26 09:14:47
Nutty
What do you get when you cross a truck and a prostitute?
































A half ton pick-up.



Sorry, that was bad.
Annette
2010/02/26 09:33:53
marcos69
Nutty



...Sorry, that was bad.
Annette

Then you've come to the right place.
2010/02/26 13:41:35
SteveStrummerUK
 
I got myself one of those 'Anti-bullying' wristbands today...
 
 
 
I stole if from an ugly fat ginger kid.
 
 
 
© 2026 APG vNext Commercial Version 5.1

Use My Existing Forum Account

Use My Social Media Account