Steve's library is a lot more interesting than mine.

todays crappiest joke
 
MILEY CYRUS

Hey Steve, do you have Dan Quayle's book on spell-checking?

A man went into my local library and asked if they had the book "101 ways to commit suicide". The librarian said they did, but that he couldn't borrow it.
The man asked ....."why not?"
 
"Well, let's face it....." said the librarian....."the chances of you bringing it back aren't very good"

A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook". Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken runs out. The librarian shakes her head. Within a few minutes, the chicken is back, returns the book and starts all over again: "boook, book, bok bok boook". The librarian gives him yet a third book, but this time as the chicken is running out the door, she follows it. The chicken runs down the street, through the park and down to the riverbank. There, sitting on a lily pad is a big, green frog. The chicken holds up the book and shows it to the frog, saying: "Book, bok, bok, boook". The frog blinks, and croaks: "read-it, read-it, read-it".

a monkey walks into a bar and asks the bartender :
"do you have bananas ?"
-"no, sorry"
"do you have bananas ?"
-"i just said no"
"do you have bananas ?"
-"NO, get the hell out!"
"do you have bananas ?"
-"ask me once more and i ll nail your tongue to this table !"
"do you have nails ?"
-"no"
"do you have bananas ?"
 
 

An oldie but a goodie:
 
Q: What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?
 
A: A rock musician plays three chords to thousands of people.  For a jazz musician, it's pretty much the opposite.

"Knock knock."  "Who's there?"  "Banana."  "Banana who?"  "Banana banana!"
"Knock knock."  "Who's there?"  "Banana."  "Banana who?"  "Banana banana!"
"Knock knock."  "Um, who's there?"  "Banana."  "BANANA WHO??!"  "Banana banana!"
"Knock knock."  "Ok, WHO'S THERE??!"  "Orange."  "Orange?  Orange who?"  "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

A Goat, a Gator, a Tiger and an Elephant walk into bar.  The bartender says, "come on guys, this ain't no zoo."

Two Dicks walk into a bar and the bartender says
 
"Roight, looks like I'll get no bollocks from you two tonight."