2015/08/16 16:49:29
dmbaer
Amusing true story:
 
Back in the days before CDs (just to place this in time) I was trying to impress a lovely young thing who was a music lover.  I played her my favorite Bach organ fugue (performed in killer fashion by Anthony Newman).  When it ended, her only comment was "Geez, no wonder he had so many children.  After that what else could you do?". 
2015/08/16 18:30:06
craigb
dmbaer
Amusing true story:
 
Back in the days before CDs (just to place this in time) I was trying to impress a lovely young thing who was a music lover.  I played her my favorite Bach organ fugue (performed in killer fashion by Anthony Newman).  When it ended, her only comment was "Geez, no wonder he had so many children.  After that what else could you do?". 




Ask "Would you like to see my organ?" 
2015/08/16 23:36:14
trimph3
What do you call a guy with 100 Rabbits stuck up his backside?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Warren....
 
 
 
 
I'll get my coat
2015/08/18 19:55:37
SteveStrummerUK
 
A girl once glued cotton wool all over my nekkid body and then demanded I have sex with her.
 
Sadly, I was unable to rise to the occasion.....
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
.... I guess I was feeling quite sheepish.
2015/08/18 20:10:54
TheMaartian
Yoshi, the son of a Japanese businessman, enters his first day at Los Angeles Elementary’s fourth grade.
 
Teacher, “Let’s begin by reviewing American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death”?” She sees a sea of blank faces, except for Yoshi. “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he says.
 
“Very good! Now, who said “Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth”?” Again, no response except from Yoshi. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863,” he says.
 
The teacher snaps at the rest, “Class, you should be ashamed. Yoshi, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
 
A loud whisper is heard: “Screw the Japs.” “Who said that?” she demands. Yoshi, with hand up, “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”
 
At that point, a student in the back said, “I'm gonna puke.” The teacher glares and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?” Again, Yoshi, “President George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
 
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!” Yoshi jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
 
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone says, “You little sh!t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.” Yoshi frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”
 
The teacher faints and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone goes, “Oh sh!t, we’re in BIG trouble!” And Yoshi replies, “Arthur Andersen, 2002.”
2015/08/18 23:03:12
craigb
I probably enjoyed that one more than I should have.
(And I had just left being a consultant to Arthur Andersen to go directly to their client - then they had their split and became Accenture.)
2015/08/19 02:41:46
craigb
A new bar went in down the street and already two blind guys have walked into it.
2015/08/19 09:47:58
Moshkito
craigb
A blind man walks into another bar...



And the first thing he said ... all you idiots that can see ... nothing!
 
I knew a blind turkey that has several thousand LP's and they were not marked with braille, and he could identify every single one of those albums ... and get this ... they weren't in order ... and double get this ... he used to hitch hike from Santa Barbara to Van Nuys (Moby Disk) to get the latest LP that was played on Space Pirate Radio.
 
NO KIDDING
2015/08/21 18:36:02
Zonno
Some people post stuff like this  in the FSF. This forum is a chaos. I wonder who is moderating here?
 
 
Ham N Egz
A chicken farmer went to the local bar ... He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. 
   
The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."  
    
"What a coincidence" said the farmer, who added: "It is a special day for me ... I'm celebrating
  
 "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman.  
    
"What a coincidence" said the farmer.
    
While they toasted, the man asked: "What are you celebrating?"  
    
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."
    
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."
    
"This is awesome" said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?"
    
"I used a different rooster" the farmer said.
   
 The woman smiled and said: "What a coincidence"


2015/08/21 19:31:46
SteveStrummerUK
Zonno
Some people post stuff like this  in the FSF. This forum is a chaos. I wonder who is moderating here?




As long as some of our venerable moderators are regularly posting in the FSF, the FSF ain't gonna get moderated....
 
Simples.
 
If you don't like it/think that's a bit unfair/can't understand why other paying customers are still selectively censoring what the rest of us paying customers post ...... then that's just tough, I'm afraid to say.
 
I was offered some good advice a while back which, if you'll excuse the paraphrasing, went something along the lines of "If you don't like it, don't come here/Your opinions on what makes for an enjoyable forum are unwelcome because they don't coincide with our opinions on what makes for an enjoyable forum".
 
So these days I just pop my head round the door once in a while to see if anything actually interesting is going on, but I rarely post anymore.
 
It makes for an easier, and far less antagonistic life....
 
Which is nice.
 
Remember folks, there are only three certainties in life. Death, taxes, and the knowledge that only two Coffee House regulars have ever been capable of penning original and genuinely humorous posts; namely Ubiquitous Bubba and Jonbouy.
 
Every other 'joke' or 'humorous post' that's ever been made in this forum by anyone else is simply a rehash/reworking/flogging a dead horse/variation/flagrant copy of something either of these two chaps has already had the wit and intelligence to dream up.
 
 
© 2026 APG vNext Commercial Version 5.1

Use My Existing Forum Account

Use My Social Media Account