7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

(For the vicarious among you)


A young nun is having a bath when all of a sudden there's a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" she asks.

"I'm the blind man" comes the reply.

"Oh come in you poor child"

"Wow!" says the guy "Nice tits!!"

Embarassed, the nun covers herself up and exclaims "I thought you said you were the blind man"

"I am - which window do you want them fixed to?"

A man goes to the Doctors wearing nothing but Clingfilm as underpants.

The Doc says "I can clearly see your nuts".

I was making a nice oak bar-top in my workshop today.

Had to stop though.



It was getting a bit counter-productive.

I got bothered by one of them clipboard carrying pains in the ass in the high street this afternoon.

She asked "Can you tell me which is your favourite Telly Tubby?"

I said "Actually, it's a 52" Sony Plasma, and you ain't so slim your f****** self, you fat b*****d"

Arthur Penis is changing his name by deed poll.

From now on he'll be known as Art Penis.

An Essex girl takes a dress to the cleaners and says "I'll pick it up tommorrow"

The assisitant doesn't hear her properly and says "Come again". She says "Nah, mayonnaise this time."

As you sit on the bus coming home from work,
You realize you need to fart.
Since the music is loud, you begin to fart to the beat,
as this seems to mask the sound.

After a couple of songs, you feel better, and as you reach your stop and get up, you notice everyone giving you the "eye".

Its then you realize....





You've been listening to your ipod.



Randy

"Doctor, I can't pronounce the letters 'F' or 'T'"

"Well, you can't say fairer than that"

"Doctor, I'm worried about these green leaves sticking out of my backside"

"Yes, it's serious, and that's just the tip of the iceberg"