A bloke goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start'

Thank you

Garry Kiosk

My mate rang me the other evening.

"Things are pretty bad at home Strummy. The wife says she's completely sick of me"

"What's the problem" I asked.

"She's fed up with me watching football, snooker, rugby, cricket, and darts all the time on the telly. Anyway, I booked a quiet corner table for two last night to try and patch things up.

By nine o'clock things were ten times worse though!

She hadn't even potted a single red..."

ORIGINAL: Fog

a horse walks into a bar.... bar tender.. why the long face

a man walks into a bar.... OUCH

a bit better >

Steve, bakers had a secret meeting the other day... it was on a KNEED to know basis

a midget clairvoyant escaped jail today... they are looking for a small medium at large

Same bar, different animal

A bear walks into a bar
Bartender "What'll it be?"
Bear "I'd like a martini..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
and a beer."
Bartender "Why the long pause"
Bear "I dunno, had them all my life."

A group of guys goes out camping in the desert. In the morning one of them goes out in the weeds to take a dump and squats on top of a rattle snake which bites him on the head of his member. He runs screaming into camp and one of his alarmed friends luckily has a cell phone and contacts a doctor . The doctor explains that a incision must be made between the fang holes , then the venom must be SUCKED out . The frenzied victim screams when his friend puts his cell phone away .

What did the doctor say !!!

What did the doctor say ?????......................?


His friend reponds , "The doctor said your going to die "

ORIGINAL: plectrumpusher

A group of guys goes out camping in the desert. In the morning one of them goes out in the weeds to take a dump and squats on top of a rattle snake which bites him on the head of his member. He runs screaming into camp and one of his alarmed friends luckily has a cell phone and contacts a doctor . The doctor explains that a incision must be made between the fang holes , then the venom must be SUCKED out . The frenzied victim screams when his friend puts his cell phone away .

What did the doctor say !!!

What did the doctor say ?????......................?


His friend reponds , "The doctor said your going to die "

Is this a true story PP?

I can't see it, it takes some swallowing...

wife treats hubby to a lap dance for his birthday...
doorman says,"okay jim how's tricks?"
wife asks,"how does he know you?"
jim says,"er, i play footy with him"
inside,the barman says,"usual jim?"........jim blurts,"before you say owt he's on the darts team in me local"
next a lap dancer says,"hi jim,d'ya want the special again?"
wife storms out draggin jim with her and jumps in a taxi.....
driver says,"**** me jim,youv'e pulled right minger this time



7 Englishmen and an Irishman in a rape I.D line up...
The victim walks in and Paddy steps forward and shouts "That's her, the miserable F U C K E R!"

A little old lady goes to see the doctor to ask for some Viagra for her husband.

"It comes in different strengths from 1 up to 5 my dear" says the Doc "Number 3 dose is the average - he should be active for an hour or so, a number 5 dose should keep him going most of the night... you get the idea"

"I see, well I'll take a bottle of number 1 strength then please, just enough to stop him pissing on his slippers"

Computer Trouble

I was having trouble with my computer. So, I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:
I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little ****.

ORIGINAL: Crg

Computer Trouble

I was having trouble with my computer. So, I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:
I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little ****.

Oh, we at the pc shop so thank you for that.

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

When I did tech support I'd often tell clueless users that it was a problem with the UTK Interface.


(That's the User-to-Keyboard Interface)